Tried so many times to forget you

Tried so many times to forget you

Tried so many times to forget you

LTME-postDear Elvin Joel,

Every day is a new day to you , to your own life, to me is not that different. I even have to breathe the same air as you and know that we are living so different lives. Is so hard to forget that we have came apart for so long and yet here I am one more time. You don’t know how many nights my hands write a letter for each time a memory comes to mind. For the first time in forever I am letting everyone know you made a great number on my heart. I have tried so many times to forget you, to make my heart understand what my mind keeps saying over and over.

I wrote almost 100 letters and even thought they never saw the light of day, last month they vanish forever, burn to hell all of them. I felt so happy and stress free that you no longer had a hold on my mind, that the little flame that was still burning on the back of my mind would had burn out when I put the real fire on those ashes of letters, Guess I was amazingly stupid to believe that it was that easy.

The problems is with my stupid heart that wont believe my mind and keeps reminding me every night that you were and would be the best for us, he keeps making my mind playing those memories back to back on every dream, and it would had be great to see it with another man, yet he still keeps playing you all over again. How can it be possible that after almost 7 years you feel the same even when I dream of you, Am I that mentally affected.

The only logic my best friends can find is that maybe just maybe you and I are meant to be together. I could tell her that I believe it, and truth is I know that is so hard to ever come across your path knowing that the chances of you ever crossing path with me are one to none. How can it be possible when you literally vanish, I just hope you are alive and completely happy with whoever you are with. I know I lost you that night when I last saw your face by the moonlight. I believe that quote that is it comes back is your and if not, not. Yet you did came back a second time and that was that. Just as you smile when you came, just like that you smile your way out of my life to this day.

The only thing I ever regret is no saying “I love you” that night when I had the chance and not letting my heart speak out when it was the right time and place. Now, after all this, I still dream of you, I still see your smile in my dreams and I still wish that wherever you are you are so in love and know that your baby girl has the best daddy in the whole world. That little girl gave me strength to believe in you and that is maybe why I still hope you are as happy as you dream of, and that I was never your dream. If only you ever got this letter, God only know what I am without you.
Maybe this is my last chance to tell you: I love you.



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