Looking back now i see how wrong i was and how lucky i could’ve been to actually keep you and take you seriously, at least in moments i see that. Looking back now i realize how wrong i really did you. I’m writing this letter not so that you can see it but because i want people to understand for the “players” point of view.
When we first started talking we only talked for four days until we became a real official thing. We fell fast and hard for each other. But us falling so fast for something that was so real and perfect couldn’t last,because nothing so good can last forever. Weeks in and i was so in love the only real love i’ve ever felt in my life and it came from you. And i couldn’t possibly ever thank you enough for showing me what love really is. Because you’ve been the only one to show me that, not even family or friends have shown me the love i experienced with you.
Three months went by and it was the best three months i’ve experienced in my life. i was happy. Happiness i couldn’t explain. But then by the fifth month something went wrong.Only i don’t know what it was that made me switch up on you like i did. My closest friend asks me what happend to have me switch up on you and i still don’t know what happened. Maybe we were just too perfect. Maybe i was just overwhelmed. I really just don’t know.
But soon i was finding something to argue about every day. and things weren’t all so perfect anymore. You treated me like a queen there was nothing you wouldn’t do for me. I could talk about anything with you and you’d be there. You treated me the way any girl would dream of being treated. But i continued to treat you like shit. i put you through so much. so many lies so much drama and so much heartache. And i know your love for me was the realist thing there could possibly be. Because no one goes through as much as i put you through and still be 100% loving to that person.
I carried on treating you thing way for 6 months and you never even threaten to leave me. I would threaten to leave you day in and day out. i never did actually leave you because i still wanted our perfect first four months back. But in my search to get back to perfect with you all i did was hurt you and our past perfection even more.
People could see how i treated you. But continued to tell me i could do so much better than you. “your the prettiest girl at school you don’t have to deal with someone like him.” People would continue to talk about us and that’s what finally made me leave. Not that we had lost our perfect months before but because i couldn’t change myself to get people to stop talking about our relationship. Eventually there talk on our relationship pushed me to the edge and i left. You never had let what people said about us get to you in the least but i sure did. And i’m sorry for being god weak. I wasn’t good enough for you.
Even though i left you i knew that wasn’t the end. Three days after i broke up with you i sent nudes with one of your best friends. I forgot that you still had my snap chat log in from when you didnt trust me in our relationship. (And i don’t blame you for not.) So you logged into my snap and you found messages from me and him. I understand that it wouldn’t of hurt you if i hadn’t still been leading you on and talking to you like i wanted to get back together. But to get back at me you told the guys girlfriend who used to be a good friend of mine. Next you told another friend of mine that i had said a bunch of bad things about her and made fake texts making it seem like i actually said it and showed it to her. There’s the second friendship i lost. But even after this i continued to lead you on and you continued to forgive me. Now i see that we were both playing with each others feelings. But we didn’t know any other way to let go.
A few months ago i slept with you’re closest friend. And you found out through a person who i thought had been my friend. This completely ended even having a chance at friendship ship ever agin. It ruined any good thing we ever had. But i don’t regret it. Because here’s some things that i forgot to tell you guys. Through or relationship i was never trusted for a second. I had to block ever guy who even said anything close to nice to me off my snap. If i had any guy friends i was made filing of and called a whore and a slut. I constantly felt caged in by him. I was 15 and not ready today feel like i was married yet. So i broke up with you and i slept with your Best friend. The reason i always threatened to leave but never did? Well in the first few months of perfectness i told you everything. The good the bad and the ugly. If i got too close to leaving you’d threaten those things on me. These things were things that could get my mom sent to jail,and me sent away. Things that could ruin all my past friendships. Things that could completely ruin me.
But i really do know i deserved this. Because until the last few months i was treated and loved like no other. And i treated you like dirt under my shoe. I would talk bad on you with all your guy friends. i would make fun of you publicly, i would use other guys just to make you just for no reason continually.
Now we don’t talk. The last time we came close to communicating was when you unblocked me in snap and screen shoted our conversation from ages ago. And i had an anxiety attack because i knew you’d use something against me. We haven’t talked since that. Since you tried to turn my best friend i’ve ever had against me. Now i assume you’ve moved on and are extremely happy without me and i don’t blame you i was a piece of shit. I know that i’ve moved completely on. I’m talking to a guy that i’m treating right and taking my time and making sure we dont move and crash too fast like we did. In times with the guy i’m talking too i can see why i would’ve treated you differently than i treat him. But i’m not writing this for putty and i’m not writing this for you too look like the bad person im writing this to clear my mind on all this. I hope your happy because i know i am. I’ve reconnected friendships that i wasn’t allowed to have when i was with you. And i’m almost as happy as i was this time last year. I hope your in the same place. I’ll always think of you.