Dear V,
I know I reached out and told you I wanted to hear how you were, and expressed the fear about you not giving me space, but 12 days? it’s been 12 days since you said you’d take time with my email and then respond. are you taking so much time because of drew? because you’re happy? because your life is successful and you don’t miss me anymore and you have a new person? it’s awful waiting. it’s awful not knowing. it’s awful wishing that you’ve changed, and reaching out to learn that you probably haven’t.

And all of this, on top of losing two friends and the very shaky foundation of self-kindness I’d been building out of hay. all in flames, all blown away. I want to sit and stare into space after work. I listen to two songs. Every day after 7, like we said, I wait for your email. and I stop waiting and check, check for it every thirty minutes, every time I remember to, I say your name to myself during the day. after 7, I check my email.

Who is she? does she love you? did you change for her? why did you say you wanted things to be kinder if you couldn’t get back to me? how do I take my power back? god, I want a response. feel so out of my depth here.

from the bottom,


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