Dear Vanilla,
I will never tell you these words in person. So I’ve decided to write them down. We dated for about 4 years on and off, continued talking for about 2, and I walked out for 7 years. That’s 13 years of my life that I have spent thinking about you constantly. I’ve moved on with someone who is perfect for me, but he will never be you. Even after all these years my heart breaks a little every time I hear your name. I’m successful now, and I have a fiancée who would give me the world if I asked for it. Why is it that none of that matters when I talk to you? I recently contacted you when I came across your number in my old stuff. I thought it was innocent but then I could hear the pain in your voice. Why? Do you still have feelings for me and are too scared to admit it? I want to stay away from you but I can’t seem to. I left and never looked back 7 years ago but this time against my better judgment I’m here. This pains me because no one deserves to be cheated on, even if its only emotionally. I feel like that’s what I’m doing to him. My heart hurts because I know that I would never leave my fiancée and take a chance on us because I’m too smart for that. Our relationship was heart wrenching, destructive, and beautiful all at once. As much as I crave that relationship, I know it isn’t healthy. So now I must walk away again, so that I go through with my marriage and my life. I don’t recognize the person that you have become. I am all too different myself, and I know that’s why it will never work. I do feel like we were together in a past life, because we are connected on a spiritual level that I will never understand. How do you give something up that feels so good? Well I won’t dwell on what could of been because life is too short to think about what would have happened. I am strong and I will move past this. You have to know that I still love you and probably always will but this is for the best. I wish the very best in life and I hope that one day I can completely stop thinking about you. For now though I’ll love you from afar and hope you find someone that loves you more then I do. I hope I never run into you and you make this easier on me by letting me go. I know this is hard but I have to say goodbye. Goodbye my love, I wish you well and I hope that we can both move on for good.

Sincerely,
The girl who got away