Brian,
There are so many things I wish I could say to you. I know you’ll never read this but I need to get this off my chest. I’ve written you so many letters that I’m afraid of mailing.

I wish I could tell that I’m sorry, I wish I told you I loved you more. I wish I payed attention to your needs more and payed more attention period. I was so stuck on my ex and feeling heart broken over that, that I didn’t stop to think of how you felt. I was wrong, soo wrong. And I’m sorry. I wish we could start over, I’d do anything to give what we had a second chance. I wish you could show you that I’m still in love with you.

I wish that we could give this another try and see where it goes. I wish that you didn’t believe the lies that Stefani told you. I never cheated on you, I’ve never done that to anyone much less someone I’m crazy about. I mean how could I? I lived with you at your grandmothers house so how could I have strange men over? It doesn’t make sense. And when I went back to my house I was blowing you up so much how could you even think I was cheating? I begged you to come stay with me all the time, don’t you remember that?

And when I begged you back all the time you didn’t stop to think what she was lying? I was, I am still so in love with you. Why would I want anyone else? You made everything better. I loved who I was when I was with you. You made me want to be better person for you, for me. My anxieties were put to rest, you helped me put things in perspective and my depression was manageable. I could finally be me. And because of you I was happier then I had ever been.

And before you even say anything about my ex and the whole taking advantage thing I’m going to lay that all out here too. When you called me that night and asked if I was okay, I couldn’t just tell you what was going on. Brian I was so scared. Like have you ever experienced something so awful and there’s nothing you can do? It was like an out of body experience. I tried pushing him off but I was just too drunk. And then I just shut down. I couldn’t breathe I just wanted to disappear. And when you called I was so confused and scared and I told you to go and all I wanted was for you to come in and pull him off but you didn’t.

God I just wanted you to save me and when I finally got to the point I could tell you what happened you just blew me off and didn’t believe me. It took everything I had to tell you and it hurt that you dismissed it. Other then that I never had any issues with you or us.

But I’d do anything for another chance, I wish we could be us again. I’m sorry for hurting you and I love you more then anything. And with that I’ll go. I just want you to know that you’re the one who got away love. Good bye sweetheart.

-R