My dear,

Where to begin. I loved you to the Moon and back, the thought that you mentioned marriage and kids quite a lot of times always made me so happy,that somebody wants me as his lifelong partner. Our year was awesome. No serious quarrels, no harsh feelings, but honesty, loyalty, fun, love and travel. This whole year was a honeymoon for me, despite all your problems with school or job, or my problems with my anxiety. We supported each other very well.

The fact that at some point you thought you didn’t love me anymore completely broke my heart. I still don’t believe it up to this very point that you stopped loving me in a weekend. I knew we had an argument and because of the distance we didn’t have a chance to talk about it so you decided to break up because of a temporary anger.

I thought you weren’t serious but time kept moving on and on and there was no sign at all. Once I thought to myself, I’m not going to text you anymore – but if you text me in a week again, I will take it as a sign from God that you still love me and don’t want this relationship to end. And you texted me and I believed that I should keep fighting for you because you are asking for help silently to get this relationship working again.

It might have been the case, but unfortunately, because of the distance, none of us could work out the situation perfectly. We hurt each other, we texted and texted and there was no result. I regret that we together did not agree on a 2-month no-contact period, and then returning back to each other talking about our feelings to see how we handle this situation. I’m sorry we both were so immature concerning our break-up. And I’m sorry I tried to get you “fight” for me or love me again, I knew I should just give you space, but it was so difficult as I saw the signs that you still love me – maybe.

The way that you broke off all the contacts and blocked me everywhere broke my heart. Especially that you knew I tried to talk to you to not act childish, to let’s talk normally, but you ignored. I, then, realised, how much I messed up everything and how much I loved you, even after 3 months after our break up. I knew you were hurt because you thought I was with somebody else, even though I told you that we’re not together. I was just trying to move on by meeting new people and surely didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But this was the moment I knew I should have given you space, I should have been patient and let things flow in their way. But you know, you cannot reason to a heartbroken person. I cried myself to sleep every night.

Then, I let you carry on with this. No contact for 2 months, as I originally intended. But then, coming close to Christmas, I started to feel terrible again, that you still don’t try to contact me, still no response, and I knew that you forgot about me. I knew that you moved on, closed everything and expect me not to contact you again. It was a terrible feeling and I hated myself for saying goodbye to this year by being blocked by the person I still love.

After almost 5 months, I can say I still love you. Part of me knows that this shouldn’t have happened because we had no problems. Another part says that I cannot control who you love or who you don’t so I should just accept that you didn’t love me whatsoever. It would have been nice to know your real feelings as you were always careful not to tell me what you think or how you feel.

All the terrible things I said were because of anger. Unfortunately, I have still not moved on and still have feelings for you. I don’t want to trouble you with my feelings as you probably think that it’s miserable or sad that I got attached to you so easily. I don’t expect you to tell me you love me too and you fucked up and you want to get back and make everything better. It would be nice to hear, though, but I’m being realistic. All I want is, to try to forget the past 5 months, the terrible way we talked to each other, the ignorance, all the hurt. I don’t want to remember this period. I want to say I had an amazing relationship, it ended, we were hurt, but that’s all. I want to love you, in a non-romantic way, as this is probably how you love me too. Sooner or later, my feelings will change and then I will be happy to talk to you again, when both of us recovered and there is no hate between us.

I just wanted to let you know about my feelings and that I’m sorry about the past months. You were the best thing that happened to me in my life.

Love,
Melinda