It’s funny… the only category that *sort of* fit was “What I wish I’d told you”… In reality this is “What I’d like you Fiance to Know”…
Do you know that when we first got together my heart and my mind were wide open? Ready to be loved as I love. Completely. Without reservation. I had so many hopes for you. For us. I tried to picture us old, yet still holding hands. I imagined that you knew how to love someone.
You quickly told me about all of your crazy ex’s. In every scenario, you were the victim. The girl in high school that aborted your baby. You were the victim because you wanted the child. No… I disagree with abortion… but it wasn’t all about you.
Your ex-wife that began abusing alcohol and pills. Let’s not help her… let’s exploit her. Or so your actions showed. After all you were the victim of her abuse to herself. It seems so ludicrous that I believed you. You weren’t the victim.
What about the girlfriend that had daughters. Again you were the victim because you disagreed with her parenting style. Why try to help her as a single mom trying to raise kids on her own? No… just ridicule her to others.
Your other failures? Yes – you were the victim there too. You failed college because too many people were distracting you. You failed the Army because you didn’t know there were other options besides the job you chose that turned out to be too hard for you. Even being arrested for domestic violence wasn’t your fault. Let’s not help the mother of your children with her addiction. Let’s instead blame her for your arrest. If your story were true, why would you allow your children to stay with that “drunken mess” while you got arrested? Any normal parent wold have fought to stay… because the alternative would be too much. No doubt, she had problems. But how many were BECAUSE of you?
I believed all of your stories. I believed in you. Sometimes I would stare at you. Picturing our future together. Until you looked at me and said, “Quit fucking staring at me. It’s just fucking weird. You’re fucking weird.” You said that while we were driving in your truck. And that’s when my view began to change. Before we were even married. After all -who talks to someone they love that way?
There are so many things I remember. Holding your hand – you telling me, “I don’t have to be touching you all of the time”. Holding you in bed, and you telling me “Get away! You’re making me too hot!” Even your family camping trip when you said I was so weird it made everyone uncomfortable. At least then your mom and sister had compassion and came into the camper to talk to me.
Do you remember calling me a cunt because I got up in the morning to go for a run and accidentally woke you up?
Do you remember telling me how my faith was stupid?
Do you remember telling me to get the fuck out of your house? Do you remember why? Because I thought we could hang up my TV because it was newer and better than the one you had. That escalated into you telling me to leave. So I did.
Then you wanted me to come back.
Do you remember ridiculing me in the kitchen until I finally broke down and cried? Until Beck finally yelled at you to leave me alone?
I do. That was the day you went to the movies without me. Because that was more important… than making sure I felt ok…
Then you came home to tell me how pathetic I was for having cried.
I told you that you’d never see me cry again…
And you haven’t.
Do you remember all of the crazy things you did then told me I wasn’t supportive of you because I didn’t do them with you? Lettuce and peanuts… only… to eat every day. $450.00 for a 2 week supply of “special” food, just for you. That you ended up not eating… and threw away. Let’s spend alot of money on a trumpet… that you never play…
Yet, you gave me a hard time when I wanted to buy a car for the oldest.
How about making fun of nearly everything I ever watch on TV? From sports to documentaries…
How about never wanting me to do anything without you… then never wanting to do anything I wanted to do?
Then came the day when you asked for divorce. I didn’t argue. After all, by now you had taught me how not to love you. But out of respect for my vows to God I asked you if we could talk to the Priest or at least seek counseling.
You said no.
I gave you my ring and I left.
That’s when things really got crazy.
You had rules:
I couldn’t come and get my things unless you called me first and told me I could come. So everything in my life had to stop to I could go at a moment’s notice to get my things.
Then you felt entitled to a motorcycle I bought. I couldn’t fathom your reasoning. I BOUGHT IT. So I took it.
Then you call me telling me you’re going to sell my piano to buy a motorcycle. After contacting my lawyer I tell you that you can’t – it’s illegal. And I take both – the piano and the motorcycle.
But then I felt bad.
And sold you the motorcycle back for the cost of my time off work and the piano movers.
I had all of my stuff.
IN MY OWN PLACE.
Three months later, you sold your house and moved.. INTO MY COMPLEX!
You told me how you missed me.
You told me how you’d made a mistake.
You tried to get back together with me.
I said no.
You threw many temper tantrums.
I still said no. I told you I didn’t go backwards. I told you if you wanted anything from me, it must first be built on friendship.
You didn’t want that.
You wanted sex.
No with you.
You now repulsed me.
One Sunday you told people at church that you loved me. That you would marry m tomorrow if I’d have you back.
The next Sunday you’re engage to a girl you met for a week on vacation in the Philippines.
Then you come home
And immediately call me to tell me how much you missed me.
And that vacation is not the same without me.
There IS something wrong.
And IT’S NOT with everyone else.
It’s with YOU.
Everyone tells me how much happier I look now.
I even look younger.
So thank you for releasing me.
I hope your new fiance knows what she’s in for…