Hey G,
Someone told me that it takes half as long to get over someone as the length of the relationship, so 14 years together would mean getting over you in 7 years. It’s been 8 years since we ended 🙁
You moved on so quick that I marched just as fast in the other direction. So I guess in a way I did move on, or at least moved out of the way. Over the years I’ve had new relationships, started a new career, different hobbies, traveling to new places, etc. But even at my happiest moments I still could feel sadness because you aren’t there to celebrate with me. Too many times I’ve caught myself seeing or feeling something extraordinary and imagining how you would react or appreciate it. At my strongest and weakest times, I still feel your absence. There’s a lot of history missing too. Big memories in the past – you’re often the only person I can remember them with. I try not to look back, I really do. For awhile after we ended, I sort of re-wrote history. It was silly but so much of me is you that it felt easier to make our stories only my stories. I also tried almost anything new that didn’t remind me of you so I could create my own memories. Sometimes that was a bad idea, but overall it helped and added value to who I am. And over time, I got to a point where I would get angry at myself for wasting time and energy being sad about you. Heck, writing this letter kinda pisses me off actually. But it’s not really anger anymore, more like a void. I can still feel where you were in my life and then I just dismiss it repeatedly. And that is what makes me most sad now, dismissing the thought of you has become a habit. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy life otherwise. You were my best friend, the closest best friend I’ve ever had. I wonder how you are, I hope you are well and I miss you so damn much. But we are different people now and I don’t thing anything good will come from being in contact because we’ll never be that to each other again. I hope in another 8 years I am not writing another one of these letters. SMH
Cheers G