Our relationship started in the mist of my previous, you looked me in the eyes and I saw the fear in your eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was what you wanted, yet you reassured me I was. I stayed, I left everything behind me, I changed. My day to day went from what I wanted to how I would like “us” to be someday in the future.
I made mistakes, and I made to remain honest as I could to you. But I was scared of you, terrified because when you looked at me it felt like a piercing in my chest. You called me the liar, you stated jokes about “other men”… the distance, I don’t know when it happened… but it did.
We had remarkable moments together, I’d never felt so in love before… little did I know the lack of trust you had in me would destroy everything we had created.
All of my friends tell me, if you loved me – you would’ve chosen me instead of choosing to leave. Yet, I sit every night and day to stare at my phone wondering if I’ll see my favorite “I love you” text again or silly emoji symbols . NOTHING.
Time were to go back, I would’ve chosen to tell you nothing. I would’ve chosen to love you again, go through this pain again, and set you free like this again. I hope whoever gets to hold you in her arms next, is stronger than me. My everything was no where near enough for you, but you never talked about those things…
So the late nights I waited alone till 2-3am in the morning to keep you company we’ll never speak of again, the times I worked hours to save money to fly out and visit you will be deleted, the times I make mistakes and had to blame myself endlessly bc you made me hate myself will be gone, the girl who loved you so much all she wanted was a chance will no longer be here.
Our first conversation was ” You’re Rudolph my red nosed reindeer, not just anyone.” … yet your final words were for me to find someone better. SO my advice for you, when she says “I love you”… cherish it.
“I still love you…”