We never officially dated, but we were closer than I’ve ever been with any other person I’ve been with. I trusted you so much, maybe too much, because look where I ended up.
It’s been over two weeks since you told me that you wanted to be just friends, and that you were sorry for leading me on. Why would you say that?
You are such a kind person, not the type to lead someone on, so why would you say that?
We’ve been shaky for at least a month before you told me you wanted to be just friends, but during those times I kept convincing myself that it would all be okay. We trusted each other, and had a relationship that didn’t rely on constant contact to maintain. At least that’s what I thought.
We grew apart, and you told me that you felt like you were forcing it to happen, and trying to entertain the possibilities of an “us.”
But why, why do i want to believe that you’re just saying that you led me on to make yourself the bad guy. That you didn’t want to say we just fell apart. Giving me someone to blame? But i can’t.
I can’t blame you at all. I can’t hate you. As much as I want to, I still care about you.
You’re who i think about in moments of silence. You’re who i think of before i fall asleep on my bed. You’re the one still on my mind.
Is it just me? Am i the only one who still cares? Is there nothing for us? We haven’t talked during these two weeks, but is there really no future for us?
We can’t stay friends, because how can we when we don’t even text or talk or see each other.
Our entire relationship was built on constant choices we made. Choosing each other. None of it was coincidental, unless it was just me.
Was it just me who made the choices? The only one who wanted to build something for the two of us?
I want to be optimistic, I’ve heard stories of people getting back together, but why can’t I see it for us. Why can’t i see anything in the future for us. Is this all we’re ever going to be? 5 months of late night calls and deep secrets and friendship? Faded away, gone, nothing.
I keep imaging scenarios where we’re forced to talk to each other. Because all i want is to talk to you again, yet i know you don’t feel the same. why can’t we be victims of circumstance, forced together so i can be selfish and hear your voice one last time. see you smile and laugh one last time. finally say goodbye one and for all.
You ended it all, over text.
I still read that message you sent me, and I want to hope when you say you can’t see yourself with anyone right now, that it means right now and the future is possible.
But that’s wishful thinking,,
Why can’t i be optimistic?
Was it really just me? Did you feel nothing for me? Was i just a time killer?