Hey Big spoon,
It’s been a while since we ended things and stopped talking for good. I’m just going to say it…
I miss you so much.
I miss your smile.
I miss your family.
I miss laughing with you.
I miss your stupid jokes.
I miss our late night calls.
I miss everything.
You made me feel ways that I could have never imagined. You’re the only guy who has ever made me feel so beautiful. Meeting your family was a huge blessing and I’ll never forget them, I loved them as much as I loved you.
I still remember the first time I told you that ‘I love you.’ I was so scared to say it in the first place but you told me days before about how life’s too short to worry and that you should tell that special someone that you love them before it’s too late. So I said ‘I love you’ and I couldn’t believe it, but you said it back. I was so shocked like how could you love someone like me? Especially someone as perfect as you? How? I just knew that it was too good to be true!
I also remember you telling me that you would never hurt me or leave me and that we were going to do everything we planned to do because you saw a future, and being that stupid girl who was madly in love with you, I believed you! Dammit! I fucking believed you! You told me that we were perfect for eachother, that you had found your match! But now all I’m thinking is, was it all just a huge lie? Did you even mean any of the things you told me? Or did you just lie to try and mess with me and my feelings?
A few weeks later, you started acting weird and you said you just felt depressed, that you didn’t know what was causing it and why. The thing that hurt me the most was that you completely shut me out when all I wanted to do was help! You made me think it was me who was doing shit wrong! You made me feel like I was nothing to you! Why didn’t you just tell me that you didn’t feel it anymore? Instead of acting like it was all my bloody fault and ended up hurting me!!
Isn’t it crazy how after we ended things, I’m still in love with you to this very day. I’ve been trying so hard not to message you to ask how you are or how you and your family are doing because I miss you and I will always care for you, even if you were the one who hurt me.
The last thing I remember you telling me was that ‘maybe one day, we’ll find eachother again.’
That one sentence kept replaying in my head, over and over again. I was hopeful that one day we will, I mean you are my first love. But if not, I wish you the best in life, you deserve the world and everything it has to offer! I’m so grateful to have met you at that time. Thank You for everything!
Forever in love with you,
Your little spoon.