Kyle,
It hasn’t been that long, but I feel like the way I feel isn’t healthy. I’ll never have ill wishes towards you, how could I? You were my bestfriend and my lover. But the reality was, I was never good enough. You pointed that out a lot. You’d see other girls with better bodies then me and ask why I couldn’t look like that. You’d constantly show me pictures of models you wanted and even girls we knew. You’d say I had no right to get upset, that it’s just a guy thing. I’ve learmed it isn’t just a guy thing, it was a you thing. I was never good enough in your eyes. I joined the Army to better myself and you did the same. Except for you, you just got worse. I still wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough and somehow my body was still not what you fantasized about. You broke me and I’m not sure I’ll ever be fixed. I’m labeled as a girl with “issues” now. My guy friends tell me that a lot, that you can see in my eyes that someone took my soul. I don’t smile as much and I keep to myself again. I hope someone helps to mend me back together one day but I know my first step is ridding myself of you. I’m trying everyday not to hate you but at points I do, a lot. I wanna scream and scream when I think of your face and the way you use to laugh with me in the car. I wanna be me again and have fun.
I’m sorry I was never good enough, I really did try. But in the end I just couldn’t do it anyway. I hope life treats you well.
Nat.