For the very best of times

For the very best of times

For the very best of times

Hi dear ex-girlfriend, it’s me, the stranger. To be honest I tried really hard to choose the best words I had in mind and I sent you a lot of messages but then deleted em after a while, i realised nothing can be helpful at this point, you’re gone for good. I am already putting myself in trouble sending you this message, I don really wanna deal with ur fiance. All I want is to tell you something I have been wanting to tell you for a very long time.

I recently heard you were married. If you are I am happy for ya, but I carry an incredible amount of pain knowing that fact. I’m not here to be a pain for your life tho. I just wanna tell u one thing, kinda getting over with myself, that’s it.

-You were the FIRST girl I ever dated in my whole life, so u have an extreme position in my world. we all live once and I’m glad I spent some time aside you. I wanna tell you why I broke up with you. when I broke up with you u never asked why am I leaving, you never asked me a reason, I wish that day you had told me to stay, maybe I’d change my mind, I wish you had told me to shut the fuck up and remind me how happy we can be together. I studied a lot about relationships and couples, human feelings, biology and psychology by the way just to not fuck the next relationship up lol. there are 3 important reasons why I left you:

no 1) I had never been in a relationship before. I had no idea what I was spouse to do, remember when we were dating? and I couldn’t enjoy being with you because I was worried if someone’s gonna see us together. my family were not so supportive at the time. I was afraid, I could not create a meaningful communication.

2)I had no future. I hated studying school books and I had no idea what I was gonna do, I couldn’t just drag you in with me into a world were things weren’t how you always wanted them, and who knows, maybe that time you’d end up leaving me.

3) ME. I met you early. I met you at the time I didn’t know shit. I was seeking attention. I had no idea why I was in a relationship, all I knew was that there was a pretty girl sitting in front of me in a hall and I wished deep down if I could spend one more minute with her. during our relationship I had doubts, but there was no one to tell me it’s OK to have doubts, and unfortunately I couldn’t deal with my doubts. but I did love you so much. so much that I can’t stop thinking about you until this very moment.
have you ever done something as a child and once you’re older you ask yourself why the fuck did I do that? If I could go back in time I would change things, I would never break your heart, I hate it, I don like hurting people, I don like violence, I hate hurting another human being.

that’s it, this is all I wanted to tell you, but you never read my messages. you are in college I guess, studying Eng. I want you to understand me. I feel responsible for the damages I might have caused to you emotionally. just for the record, I go to our dating place sometimes, and now I like it, I sit there and there’s no one to check me out and tell on my dad lol, but it’s pretty painful too. I haven’t been able to move on, but I thought if I tell you how I feel, and at least let you know that I have changed in so many ways and that I’m sorry for anything I have done to you, but I also want you to know that I truly loved you, I did, I did so much. I always loved the lipstick on your lips but I wonder why didn’t I ever told you about it. I also want to remind you that we did had some good times together, all the times we spent on Skype together, all the times we wanted to kiss but we were shy, all the times we secretly talked on Skype and would disconnect as soon as someone came, the first time we chatted and you told me you had never chatted with anyone that long and I know I’ll miss these memories forever, forever and ever babe (lol)

even tho every cell in my body wished you were here but we both have different life paths now, I wish you success at your career, and I hope you get love and a beautiful family, cause you deserve it, you do, the only thing is the world feels so dam empty without you, thousand nights I wished to god to give me another chance, but I guess god was busy doing your case 🙂 you got married.

stay well



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