We were so positive and encouraging in the beginning, I’m sorry to have bought dimness into your life.
I felt like I could conquer the world with your support and I wanted to give you all of me and pick the stars for you (even these cheesy quotes didn’t faze you).
Ultimately I didn’t want to appear like the ex-in the second ep. of Boston Legal so have been forcing myself to disappear from your life. But it’s a struggle every day.
Every morning I wake up clutching my chest remembering that I don’t have you in my life to share daily mundanities and my heart shatters all over again. Although i’m forcing it to fade, there’s this deep-seated aching that should have disappeared months ago – but it lingers on.
Stepping back now, I realise I became somewhat of a leech. You were the experienced one, the curious one, the mature one. I was merely thanking you for making me that specialty salad of yours.
Everyone is seeking their own happiness in life and I should’ve been less selfish and if I truly loved you than that is what I should’ve been happy with. Sharing happiness.
I denied my feelings for you were that strong, I even told you that we should only meet once a week and end as friends if it didn’t work out. Sadly I don’t see that ever happening.
To you it may have been a deep but brief affair (which is why you are now moved on). It was intense, I kept my standards high and didn’t want to just date anyone.
When I found one, I ultimately wished I’d had.. made mistakes with someone other than one that I seriously consider to be one I could have really committed to.
I naively thought our story was different. Our interests were different to the others. Ironic how Al Green’s song resonated with us.
It was like a whirlwind, you bared your soul and I wanted to, but I couldn’t help but feel insecure that I wouldn’t be good enough for you. You’d want a stable person, someone like your mother and all the other strong, independent women.
Writing has been therapeutic, has it been for you too?
I’m deeply sorry I couldn’t be that person to you and caused more harm than good.