I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday. It was October 9th, 2016 and I was riding shotgun in my best friend’s car. We were supposed to meet a couple days before at your friend’s house for a kickback but I couldn’t go because of stupid reasons. I was kind of nervous to meet you but also didn’t really care because in my mind I didn’t want anything serious, little did I know… All I was worried about was how tall you were and if I was going to not be attracted to you. We had already been texting for about a week prior to when we met, even on FaceTime! I should have already gotten a feeling you were going to be a different feeling than the rest of the boys Ive dated because I HATE FaceTiming but with you, I was comfortable, to the point where I didn’t care I had makeup or not. I was never bored talking to you, we had already even been calling each other babe through text and we had only been texting like 3 days. So when the day came I didn’t give it too much thought. When we pulled out to your street, I saw you standing there wearing you FTP sunglasses. When you got in I could tell that you were nervous, I had to say hi first but I didn’t mind. I started to get nervous because I noticed you were so cute and I didn’t know what to say. We went to another one of my friends house and when we got inside we introduced you to her and we sat down on her couch, you sat on the sofa chair and I sat on the arm rest and started playing with your hair until I finally put my arm around you. I felt so weird because I was never like that with anyone, especially the first day I met them. We went to the mall and the whole time I was on you. When we were on our way back to your house, we were sitting on the back and you were holding my hand and kissing it, we looked at each other and kissed, it felt electric and it was just a peck! We dropped you off, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. We were texting and said you were going to come by with your friend because you couldn’t wait to see me. So you came and my best friend and I went to chill with you guys in your friend’s car. We went outside and you put your supreme necklace around me trying to be cute. We talked a little and we kissed again. This time more than peck, I told my friend I wasn’t so sure about you because I was confused, but I knew I just didn’t realize it. I knew since day 1 that I was in love with you. Ever since that day we facetimed, snap chatted, texted, anything to just talk to each other. We talked every day and surprisingly never ran out of things to talk about. I loved talking to you, you always made me laugh and knew how to make me smile or even annoy me. I loved how you would smile or always screenshot me because you thought I looked “beautiful” even with no makeup on. We called each other babe even in person and it felt like it was each others name, I would only call you by yours when I was annoyed or you weren’t paying attention. You told me you loved me by the second week and I said it back, not even thinking about I used to say about people who did that because it felt right. We had a pretty private relationship, outside of our friends. I didn’t post you much nor did you but I didn’t care we knew what we had. I loved seeing you, I loved touching your baby soft face. I loved kissing you, every kiss was so passionate and felt like I was floating on clouds. I was high just by kissing you. I loved looking at you with your bottom lip hanging, you had the prettiest lips. You were the most beautiful person to ever grace this earth in my eyes. I loved you so much I just didn’t want to accept the truth because I was scared. I started to get annoyed because I thought you were becoming too clingy, I even complained to your friend about it and when he told you you stopped. I was always mad at something or getting bothered by every little thing you did, you would notice and try to fix it. I chose my friends over you every. single. time. I broke up with you and got back with you so many times because I was unsure of how I felt but that was the problem, I already knew and I was terrified. I made you feel like you were a bother, like you disturbed my peace. I was trying to push you away so I wouldn’t get hurt and I did. I gave myself exactly what I “needed.” And for that I am so sorry, Im sorry for making you feel unimportant. Im sorry I didn’t know how to show my feelings. Im sorry for being an awful girlfriend. In November 2017, we went to your Friendsgiving and I got so drunk I couldn’t even see straight. I puked everywhere and you were there taking care of me, listening to me cry about another fucking guy because he had made me feel insecure of myself. You were my caretaker, reminding me every few seconds that you love me regardless, even kissing my vomit tasting lips. I didn’t deserve you. The next day I knew I had to stop playing around and be with you. I told you how I felt and everything felt good. But I didn’t know that you were already talking to someone else. December 2017 and I was depressed with what I was going through with my family, you tried to help and I just pushed you away. It was Saturday and we were supposed to go to a party but you told me to go out with my friends and have fun, I did. You ended up going to your ex’s party and lied to me about it, I was high and overreacted, I broke up with you and told me you were sorry. The next day at your friend’s birthday brunch, you tried apologizing and I ignored you and made you look dumb in front of your friends. I was being a total bitch and didn’t even care. The next few days I started changing my attitude with you and so did you. On the second to last day of finals, I notice your attitude and asked if were okay because if were going to break up I rather do it now than later and you said everything was fine but I knew it wasn’t. Later that day at home, I asked you again and this time you were honest. You told me you didn’t feel the same anymore and you weren’t happy because I kept pushing you away and you didn’t feel like enough. I started panicking and called you. I was crying so hard telling you I hated you and why and you just repeated that you were sorry. I kept asking if it was because of someone else and you said it wasn’t. I was so heartbroken, especially when I find out it was because of someone else. You hurt me without even being aware. I can never hate you because I know that even though what you did sucks, I deserved it. I was the worst “girlfriend” anyone could ever have. I was unfair and selfish and mean. Every day I think about you and think about what could’ve been and how our relationship would be if we were to get back together. I see you go from relationship to relationship and even though it hurts I always hope they treat you right and don’t break your beautiful heart. I truly believe you are my soulmate. I have not found anyone who makes me feel the way you did, I don’t have the same chemistry with anyone like we did. Every day I hope one day you’ll come back, if you ever did I would treat you so right this time. I miss you every day. I miss you telling me you miss me. I miss you kissing me. I miss all the facetimes and texts. I miss sending each other memes. I everything about you. I will forever be in love with you. Even if we don’t find our way back to each other I will always have you in my heart.