I wish I could understand why you did what you did

I wish I could understand why you did what you did

I wish I could understand why you did what you did

Dear Danny,

I tried to hate you but for some reason I can’t bring myself to. Maybe that’s just who I am as a person. You always told me I’m too forgiving, I give too many chances. Maybe you were right. Because the chances I gave you were too many. I wish I had a solid number of how many times you cheated. Not that it was anything ever physical, you just couldn’t stop messaging other girls, flirting, receiving nudes. I never felt enough even though you told me I was. You were “just bored” you said.

Two years was such a long time, you were my best friend, my lover, my secret teller, my everything. How I wish I was the same to you. I tried so hard to make it work but all my efforts were wasted because you just couldn’t stop. And I know I would always ask why you did what you did and you would get mad and say you didn’t know. But please I need a reason anything, anything at all? Because I can’t keep blaming myself for what happened. You’ve hurt me so bad but everytime I would come back everytime I would be by your side in a heart beat. I gave you everything and in return never felt the same affection given back.

I don’t get it. How can you say you wanted to be with me forever and planned on proposing when you couldn’t even fix yourself. You hurt me. So much. And now I’m afraid I’ll never learn to trust again. I can’t give you that power over me. How could you do this? How?? Why was I never enough for you?? I wish you could’ve changed and maybe in a different world. I hope you get help, because even though I shouldn’t I wish you the best and I hope you never think about doing this to someone else. You may never see this. But even if you did you would never care. Same old story. And so you know I never told your family what happened but I think it would benefit you to tell someone and get some help before you go too far. I’m sorry for loving you and always coming back.
Sincerely, Abi


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