I’ve been living within the confines of your rejection for the last year. I lost myself for a while there and I think that’s what bothers me the most at this point, for that I apologize to you, everyone I care about, and most importantly myself. Although there were no excuses for some of your actions and behavior, I was able to look at things from a third perspective and understand why you did some of the things you did, and for my part in those I apologize. It’s not a cliche when they say you can’t force someone to give you their time, love, and affection, and it’s certainly not attractive when you let your emotions take the wheel.

I didn’t want to burn a bridge I so painstakingly tried to mend, admittedly through both healthy and unhealthy means, but I realized I just couldn’t do it anymore. Although I could’ve taken a healthier and more positive approach with things, I realized you weren’t doing your part, or better yet maybe you just didn’t want to, and that’s alright. I have to respect your needs, wants, and circumstances, but not at the expense of mine as well. I just needed to put an end to the unhealthy and toxic behavior we’re both guilty of.

The only thing that spoke volumes to me over our interactions in the last year came just last week when you told me this phrase, “you do you, and I’ll do me”. Something just snapped in me and all the self-reflection and changes I worked in the last year hit me like a brick. This is the first week in a year that I’ve actually felt like myself again, and all that negativity I was holding onto and all those bottled up feelings of unhealthy love, jealousy, resentment, and hurt just seemed to fade away. I could finally see the relationship for all its good and bad, and I realized that everything is going to be just alright! You can still have love for someone, care deeply about them, and want to be with them, but never let that come in the way of knowing your true self worth…and for that I want to thank you J. I just want you to be happy, and although I know I can make you happy, I can’t be so selfish nor can it be at the expense of my own happiness.

There’s so much more I’d like to say to you but I’ll just leave it at, love always…