If there’s anything I hate most, it’s having my suspicions proven right when I’m sincerely hoping that I’m wrong. Yet my intuition tends to be correct 90% of the time, so I guess I’m not surprised to have found out the truth about why our relationship fell apart.
I will probably never fully understand why you faded from me, and nor do I really want to know. I clung with hope to the words you uttered when we were going downhill. I think you knew that, and used it to your advantage. You said all sorts of things about finding yourself and not being ready for a relationship, probably knowing that these were lies. You promised me it wasnt me, but really who was it?
I remember telling you that if you were happy, that’s all that mattered. Your happiness was all that mattered and I couldn’t take that away from you the way you did to me. That’s because I’m not you. I’m not you and I never will be. I hope you hurt but I also hope that you’ll be ok.I hope you realize your mistakes, I hope you get whatever it is we both know you deserve
I miss how things were, back in October…How we would discuss about everything under the sun.. Holding hands with you for the first time, our first date, our first kiss, everything is playing in my head like a movie right now. And as much as I want it to continue, because I miss you, I want it to stop. I want to wash my skin till there are no traces of your touch, erase every memory of you. I wish I could do that. I really wish.
But I miss you :/
I’ve very much not over you.
I look at your pictures and fall in love with your smile all over again.
I keep telling myself, that you can’t talk to me, but maybe it’s me that can’t talk to you.
I am not able to get remotely interested in anyone’s life, the way I was in yours.
I still can’t see a future with us together. That doesn’t mean I don’t love you and somehow i still cry at night when i remember what i could have had and remember the times when we were truly happy.
. I wonder what happened to us. And what I did wrong. I wish to myself every night that I could just go back to the day before we broke up and just kiss you one more time and tell you how much you meant to me. I want to go back, to the good times, to holding your hand, and feeling you close to me.
And tomorrow when I will walk through the corridors, they will be cold and empty without you. Again
I realized the truth, You don’t deserve me. I tried to be with you through all the shit you were going through. but all you did was still reject me. You rejected my open arms for comfort, my advice, you made me feel alone and single minded in a relationship where two are supposed to be one.Toy changed me as a person, you forced myself into a spot where I know rely on pills to keep my nerves calmed Youmade me feel weird and unlike myself. I felt so happy when we talked .But why when I talked to you, you would roll your eyes? Is it me or you? I don’t even know. Why when I am always happy i want to talk to you. After the day you rejected my kiss, I came up to you. I was willing to speak up my mind to you. I told you why are you doing this, what’s wrong?, and all you did was laugh and tell me not to worry. It is in human nature to worry and it means I care for you, but clearly you didn’t feel the same.. I was done with you at that moment. I was angry. I was confused. And when you left, I looked at you. But you didn’t even look back once. Am i ever going to get back to you ? Are you coming to talk to me anytime soon? I don’t know. But you were right…I am better than you, I gave you everything in such a short period of time and what did i get, read messages, no reply, no enthusiasm… i felt nothing but i held on for some reason and i don’t know whether to hold on anymore. I can usually forgive people, usually friends or people i simply don’t know. But when i put all my trust and heart into you, i just dont think i can forgive you. I don’t think i can be friends with you, i don’t think we ever anything in your mind
If there’s anything I’ve proven (to myself and everyone else), it’s that you are confused. You are dishonest, and manipulative.Ive learned a lot about myself as a person and what I want Everyone believed it was you not me. Our relationship was completely one sided. And I wish I listened to the people you told me not to trust. Because they were right. You readily give yourself to the next man who says he likes you because you just want to be happy. You never had the hopes of making things better because you didn’t believe and just didn’t want to TRY. Enough lying.You never had hope, you just couldn’t care enough before you hurt me.
But I wish you well either way. My life now is great without you. I’ve gained new opportunities in photography and have been sponsored by my favorite ski company. May you wake up one day and realize the lack of respect and careness you have for yourself. May you wake up and realize what you did in this relationship. People cant change people, but people can change themselves, maybe one day, you’ll change and just maybe i’ll take you back. But right now, i want you gone. May you change before it’s too late. Thanks for the memories. Thanks for the lessons.
May our paths never cross again