7 years ago we caught eachothers eye and the rollercoaster instantly begun. Throughout that time I have learnt what the meaning of love is, I’ve learnt love at first sight exists. I’ve also learnt how you can go from feeling pure love, to feeling nothing but pure hatred for someone – within a split second.
I was growing throughout that time, healing from past heartbreak and becoming who I truly am. Away from the insecurity, the anger, the fear of abandonment. We were still always connected and somewhat grew together.
When I returned from travelling, you were with someone else – I truly wished you well and moved on with my life, I didn’t wallow. Other guys have come and gone but it’s you that’s stayed anchored within the core of my heart no matter what.
You could have just let it lie after that, but 100 calls and texts later (I am now realising was obviously just drunk talk) you roped me back in after you and her split up. You told me you were only with her because you knew it wouldn’t have to go anywhere, but with me you saw marriage – which scared you because of your “commitment” and “childhood” issues. Was she just the easier option because you didn’t have to face yourself and your issues?
Anyway, after telling me you were going to get counselling, quit the drinking, and that you were finally “sorting yourself out”, that you wanted things with you and I to work out. You decided to go back to her. Again, just the easy familiar option for you to avoid facing yourself and your fears?
I’ve no doubt you’ll be back, I’ve no doubt we should have been together in this life but the pieces of the puzzle just haven’t seemed to fit. The only difference is this time I won’t be there to cushion the blow for you, because I’m not willing to ride this rollercoaster any more. I just wished I’d have stepped off years ago instead of holding out for you.
I wish I could say I wish you well, and that I hope you find peace – but I don’t. I hope you experience the heartache, confusion and low self esteem that you have caused me. Maybe I caused it myself, I don’t know. All I know is you lied – I don’t care about your issues, I don’t care that your scared. I care about me first from here onwards. So for the years of stress, I hope that you have to experience the same.
I have absolutely no positive feelings for you anymore. I pity you.
It’s a shame it ended up like this, but that’s just the way it goes.