It’s been a few months, 3 to be exact and i lay here in my bed thinking of the things that i could’ve done. Literally not to long ago when we started to talk i thought that i should tell you the things i should have back then, since you left me you say that you constantly blame yourself, you think its your fault, its not, from the day i met you in that hall in school, i knew i would fall in love with you, you were the one thing that saw right through the tough act and you saw who i really was, you saw all the pain and frustration and you saw this big heart full of love that no one else saw.

I keep replaying the past 2 yrs in my head, and every time i see the same outcome, you leaving me. Now you say you’re happy with this new guy who clearly doesn’t deserve you but i promised myself that if you believe you were happy id be happy in the end. I want you to know that if i never left to join the military, if i would have stayed home, i can promise you that this wouldn’t have been the end. I blame myself for what happened because i saw it coming when i signed that contract, i already saw the sleepless nights wondering when id call you, wondering when i was coming home, wondering when i was gonna leave and for how long. You think that i didn’t see you slipping away but i did, i saw it all, the pain in your eyes, the sadness in your heart, i saw how desperately you wished i was home just so i could give you the attention you deserved, i saw it all.

When i first left i told you to be happy with someone else, and halfway through training i let my emotions get the better of me and we went on an extraordinary 2 yrs full of unforgettable memories, throughout the entires time i knew you’d leave, i just didn’t know when you’d leave. When i first left for those 2 and a half months i thought to myself and i thought so hard that it broke my heart, i saw all the answers to fix us, to get us back on track but i didn’t take them because i knew eventually you’d leave and i didn’t want that. I wanted for you to be so happy even if it wasn’t with me, i wanted for you to find someone who could give you the physical attention i couldn’t and it broke me into a million pieces because while you thought i didn’t notice you slipping away, i was crying my heart out.

I chose not to fix us so you can be happy with someone else, to be honest i’m not afraid of seeing you with someone else because i know i wont be hurt, ill only ever be hurt if you decide to be with someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you, someone who calls you names or says they cheated on you and yet you choose to go back, thats when ill be hurt. I wish i never left you in the first place because i know that we would still be together right now.