I’m writing this because writing is the only way I know how to cope with things to fully get over and move on. It’s also a way that I can see how much I progress over time. I’m not exactly expecting a reply to this, mostly because i’m not even sure i’ll end up giving this to you. I was looking back on our relationship and I realised, I put a lot of pressure on you to fix me, because I couldn’t fix myself. I’m really sorry about doing that, but most of the time I didn’t realise. I know that I put a lot of burden on you as well, I always looked your way to keep me happy and I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have expected you to always take care of me or catch me if I fell, without trying to better myself. You were never responsible for my happiness or emotional wellbeing. 

Every relationship has two sides, and your life isn’t the best either. I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m sorry if I added to your plate of burden without trying to help. I always loved your realism, and most of the time that’s what evened my problems out. I might not have liked what you had to say at times, but it was the right thing most of the time and it was always mature or came from a place of great knowledge. That’s something that I’m trying to work on now. I don’t have many bad experiences to come up with answers quite as quickly as you do. But I also don’t have the ability to become a robot and get rid of emotions and feelings the way you do.

What hurts the most right now is the way you left. I know I was the one to break things off, but it still hurts that you didn’t even care. You didn’t try and stop me. You let me leave, when you knew we could’ve fixed things. I should’ve known that we’d end up like this. Everyone that I knew had warned me before I got into a relationship with you. But I didn’t listen. I was too blinded by the amount of love I carried and still carry for you. I know I messed up, but you had a fault in it too. I told you a countless amount of times I didn’t like that girl you always talked to, yet you continued. You told me I had no reason to be upset, because she was “just a friend”. But my love, I was “just a friend” once too. I wouldn’t be surprised if you and her started dating anyways. It would just prove that I had every right to be upset, and now that you’re calling her all night instead of me, it’s bound to happen at some point.

The day we broke it off, your brother went up to you and he asked you “how do you feel about it?” Apparently you replied with, “I don’t even care, I know she’ll run right back to me whenever I want.” That broke me. The fact that you couldn’t care less. Your friends said that you called me annoying for questioning your love, overly sensitive for getting sad when you ‘didn’t feel like talking to me’ , and that you hated how I got sad over little things. I was annoyed because I loved you and I didn’t want to lose you. No matter what. I was overly sensitive because, when the love of your life tells you they’d rather do other things than talk to you, it hurts. I got sad over the little things because I was already in a bad place mentally and feeling like the one person you thought actually understood, cared and loved you just didn’t anymore, hurt.

I’m sorry for whatever I did that actually caused you to stop feeling for me. I would do anything to have you back, but we just aren’t good for each other. We both promised each other many things, but I guess I was the only one who meant it. Baby, when I said I would love you forever, I really did mean it. But I guess you didn’t. It’s pretty clear who won the ‘I love you more fight’. I know I shouldn’t love someone that hurt me as much as you did, but I still do. And I won’t be able to stop. Ever. You’re the only one for me bubs.
I miss you. So much, and everyday it gets worse. 
I love you. Forever and always, your babygirl.