I don’t want to love you anymore

I don’t want to love you anymore

I don’t want to love you anymore

Dear J,
At the beginning of our break up I use to write letters about how much I missed you and prayed you would come back to me. It’s been almost two years since then. Now I write you this letter of angst and anger. You have a new girlfriend. You started dating her a few months after our break up and I will never forget the time you told me you were coming to my college town and wanted to see me. Only to show up at the bar with your new girlfriend. I don’t think you ever realized what this did to me and you never had to care about what this did to me because you went back home five hours away and left me in the mess you created.

Shortly after seeing you for the last time I put myself in a self-destructive mode of one night stands and drinking my feelings away long enough to think I would be capable of being happy again. It took me months Jared MONTHS to even consider the idea of ever wanting to open up to someone again. Meanwhile, you were off falling in love all over again with someone new.

Every now and then I would see pictures of you guys together. It said your name but that person didn’t look like you and every now and then I would hear a rumor about you that made me realize just like I changed so did you. It’s been almost two years now Jared. I still look at your page I still look for you in crowds when I’m back home. But one thing has changed, I have learned to be happy without you. Since you left I have finally gained the understanding of what it means to have irreplaceable friendships and lucky for me I love my friends with my whole heart.

It’s been two years and I am finally seeing someone. Not a one night stand, not a meaningless fling, but someone who is patient with me when I say I want to go slow. I spent months on months wondering if I would ever get the feeling of butterflies in my stomach again. I can now gladly say I smile when I think of this person. I am finally  thinking about someone that is not you. I wish I could say I wanted the best for you but in all honesty you had your chance for that. After our breakup you played with me and my feelings like I was a toy. So no I don’t wish you well, in all honesty you can go fuck yourself because I’m moving on and no longer playing your game.

The girl you could have had


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