I don’t know where to start. I don’t know if I made the right decision and its eating me alive. I don’t know why I even made the decision I made. My heart aches. I wanna call you crying, and ask you to hug me and tell me it’s going to be okay. I think I did what was best for you, I honestly do. You are too good for me. 

Its crazy. I see myself marrying you, having a family with you, growing old. But every time I start getting consumed by the good in our relationship I have to remind myself that there was a time when we would both cry our eyes out because the other did something stupid. We hurt each other so badly. Trusting each other again would be the hardest thing on planet earth, and I know you think we can just forget the past, but we can’t. It will always linger, like bad alcohol. 

I’m sorry for all the pain I ever caused you. It’s going to sound so dumb but I loved you with my whole heart. With my whole heart. I didn’t cherish you enough and I truly didn’t realize it till we lost each other. Now that it’s over, I regret it all. All the dumb fights, the little arguments, the big ones, all my fuck ups. I’m sorry for everything, I will never say it enough. Never. You deserve the world.

I’m currently listening to ‘Million Reasons’. I don’t even have to explain the significance of that song, you know.

I would run into your arms right now, if I didn’t feel pressure from the world and society and my family to see things through with Joe. Because I know where my heart is but I just can’t hurt another person. I’m sorry for this. I thought I was ready for another relationship but i’m truly not but I’m trying because I’m so tired of hurting people. 

Wish we could rewind to 3 years ago when we were a fresh couple, the best memories. We were so happy. I wish I could go back so badly. You don’t even understand. You were everything to me, all I’ve ever wanted.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I’m just so hurt. At the end of the day, I miss you. I hope you get all the good you deserve. You will forever be the love of my life, my best friend, and my soulmate.