Dear Derrek,  

I can never hate you that’s the thing, I will always love you and you will always have a special place in my heart. I wish you didn’t that’s the thing, I wish I could just wake up and be like who the heck is Derrek but I can’t, I need to face heartbreak. 

Letting you go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life because I love you but you didn’t feel the same way. I had to let you go because you were toxic and what we had was not good for both of us. We may have had great intentions but we weren’t treating each other well. Accepting that was very hard and I still haven’t accepted that to this day. 

You put me through so much shit and hurt but I blame myself for letting it happen over and over again. The thing that hurt the most is I would make excuses for your shitty behaviour toward me, I would stand up for you no matter what because I was blind by everything you did to me. Now you’ve caused me to have crazy trust issues, insecurities that will never go away. 

But there were many great times I had with you like worlds of fun, Texas, our sleepovers, dates, and many more I will cherish those with all my heart because I don’t want to remember our 12 months together like that, I want to remember the good times too. 

It’s time to let you go, it’s time for us to find other people no matter how hard it may be for both of us because we could have all the love in the world and it wouldn’t fix us.  It’s time for me to say goodbye to you, Derrek, you will always have a special place in my heart, you will always be my first love. 

Thank you for showing me so many things in life. I don’t and won’t ever regret what we had because what you showed me was great.

Today is Monday, June 8th. You moved on and are happy with someone else and I’m truly happy for you. I want to see you happy. I’ve learned a lot since I wrote that letter above this one. Sometimes people don’t work out and that’s okay, life goes on and there are more people out there to try and find the one. I’ll always love you and wish you the best of luck in the future!