My dream

Like an angle I saw you before I met you.
Funny how @ 16 I already knew my husband would be you.
2 months into our relationship I was pregnant in cohabitation with you.
It still hurts when I remember  how I had to take the train to work when I shouldn’t have.
I remember how I had cooked for you and you fed yourself without even considering your son in my belly.
Or how easy it was for you to cheat on me with your colleague and say she’s just a friend. I forgave you for that. 
How lonely I felt when all of a sudden your female friends were better acquaintances to have as your plus ones over me.
I still remember our first day. You told me how beautiful I was and I could tell you’d never dated a pretty girl before.
Oh how I hated bathing my son in an icecream bucket coz his mother was unemployed and his dad was dating a nurse and couldn’t be bothered.
I was 21 and skinny. I had to feed my poor baby sugar water just to keep him alive.
I’m amazed you even have the guts to tell me you got a car and almost got married. You don’t even know your own sons shoe size.
He’s almost 2 and your family doesn’t even know him.

Why the hell did you beg me to carry your baby when right now i’m both his mom and dad?
I loved you.
I respected you.
You took advantage and you still are.
I lost my dignity and self worth.
Now I walk around with this shadow of having a baby out of wedlock.
Worst part is that the baby daddy is useless.
I see them feeling sorry for me.
I see them feeling sorry for my son.
We are seen as victims and it’s all because of you.
And he looks and acts so much like you.
What am I going to say to him when he starts asking questions?
Who is going to teach him how to pee the right way.
When he reaches puberty. What do I say about sex, condoms, wet dreams, pubic hair, facial hair and pursuing a love interest?
Guess you never thought about it coz to you nothing is important.
Your mom died before seeing your son coz you were busy playing house with bitches when you were supposed to do your job as a father.
Your dad wants to meet your son and you’re busy making excuses about being broke. 
You’d rather play victim than be a father and sacrifice?

I hope you change before your son realizes how selfish and inconsiderate you are.
I pray he never learns that you don’t love him enough to do what ever it takes to make him happy.
That would really break me Ndyebo.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.