Somewhere in Time

Somewhere in Time

Somewhere in Time

Dear Erxie,

As I look back almost a decade and a half, it reminded me how life was so simple, quiet, and reticent. I never knew that I would find then, someone who would change my perception of men. I grew up in a home where the definition of manliness was defined in a fist, and not of heart. 

At the time when my parents separated, you were there for me, and I’ll always be most grateful. The first Christmas after we moved out of our house, was the saddest Christmas. And I expected the same with the New Year. But then you came along and brought us out, under the stars, with showers of fireworks to meet a brand-New Year, a fresh new start. 

For me, it remains my most beautiful memory of you. You shielded me from pain and grief. Your gentleness and laughter soothed my broken heart. I began to look at you with admiration.

Our friendship deepened for we understood each other in between lines, pauses and silences, even each other’s gestures and nuances, subtleties and finer sensibilities. For we are the most misunderstood souls. Yet, I find in you a beautiful soul.

We knew how to challenge each other yet inspire at the same time. I remember telling you upfront how your choir kept singing the same piece over and over again, and unapologetically uttered, “wala na bang iba?”. Since then, you guys kept learning new pieces almost every week. And there came the awe-inspiring Handel’s Messiah. I never challenged you again.

You are truly a master of your own craft. 

And you well deserved a feather in your hat. I remember the many times you asked me to join your choir. I did, but only with one practice for then I realized if I continue, I’ll change the dynamics and the atmosphere. So, I chose to stand back to not hinder your exerted efforts nor your profound influence. And I wouldn’t change a thing, for I have witnessed a beautiful spectacle to behold…

That night you caught up with me walking by, on my way to find my seat for the concert. How I wanted to tell you then “You’ll do just fine, and I’m so so proud of you”. Not just because of what you’re going to accomplish that night but because of the person that you are. You are one of the kindest and most genuine persons I’ve ever met, compassionate, caring, a gentleman and a good friend in every sense of the word. And you have your genius to share to the world, a word that I don’t take lightly. You exude your brilliance with every stroke of your hand and express your giftedness in the language of music and in your every work of art. The convergence of the things we are ardent about, music and arts. 

Even now, I still am proud of you! I still believe in you and your God-given gifts! And nothing will ever change that. Knowing personally what you and I went through, you are a warrior who earned battle scars in the brutal saga of life. 

The moment I sat down and listened to Handel’s chorus, it is as if heaven opened and angels sang gloriously. A music that softened and subdued every heart, with quiet tears to wash away souls’ earthly dust and transcended us to Orion’s glorious gateway. A piece of heaven felt briefly with blissful notes of thanks. 

Heaven and earth met in perfect harmony. It left a deep impression, “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God”.

Erxie, your masterpiece did not end there… There are still pages to fill anew, to experience fresh springs of happiness, to sing melodious songs yet unsung, and to bring another glorious anthem of hope to a dying world.

If only… you could forgive yourself… and I’ve long forgiven you. And I sincerely thank you for forgiving me too. And you may have forgotten it but thank you for being my hero thrice… 
Thank you for the meaningful friendship we nourished and for the love that blossomed softly and unexpectedly. Thank you for the heart-melting song you sang once on Valentine and for an old classic heartrending theme song you chose for us, which stayed true to our love story. Thank you… for the quiet yesteryears we’ve had and for the beautiful memories we shared. And thank you for the many life lessons you taught me, I will always treasure them. I never could say this to you… but most, thank you for genuinely being happy for me. And I want to express on behalf of all, thank you for your beautiful legacy of heavenly music… a legacy that inspires and lives on. 

Erxie, I’m deeply sorry, for the silent grief you and I had to carry those early years, and for the pain of losing each other twice, as a companion and friend. I’m sorry for not coming back, for not being there for you when you needed me the most, for not being able to take care of you then and nurture you back to health… for I was hurting too. I always thought that letting go was cowardice. But after all these years, I’ve learned that it takes much painful bravery to truly let go. And you only thought of what was best for me… even if it meant your personal sacrifice. Thank you for your sacrifice… Thank you for letting me go… Thank you for pushing me to spread my wings and fly… I looked back at that moment when you and I were in tears as we parted ways, never thinking that it would be our last. There are circumstances in life that transpires, and we just can’t explain. It becomes a part of us and who we are. It nudges us to tiny imperceptible increments to grow beyond our comfort zone while creating ripple effects all around us, leaving only but memories and legacies. 

In heaven all our sufferings will be explained as Inspiration says, “All the perplexities of life’s experience will then be made plain. Where to us have appeared only confusion and disappointment, broken purposes and thwarted plans, will be seen a grand, overruling, victorious purpose, a divine harmony” (Education p. 305; Last Day Events p. 302-303). “The mysteries of grace will unfold before us… We shall know that infinite love ordered the experiences that seemed most trying. As we realize the tender care of Him who makes all things work together for our good, we shall rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory” (9T p. 286). “There Jesus will lead us beside the living stream flowing from the throne of God and will explain to us the dark providences through which on this earth He brought us in order to perfect our characters” (8T p. 254).

Take heart and dry the tears in your eyes, turn trials into triumphs, losses into lessons, failures into fortitude, even depression into discovery. For “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” 

May the God of all comfort be with you “who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” May the Great Monarch of heaven be your refuge, your strength, your provider, your protector, your counselor, your guide and your deliverer. 

To someone I used to love – my first love and only ex… 
I wish you the “Irish Blessing”. 
I wish you enduring happiness that completes you! 
Happy, Happy Birthday! 

May you find enough hope and gather enough courage to do what you love, to reach your fullest potential and to share to the world your exquisite talent and superb brilliance, not to take the glory for yourself but to give honor and glory to our Maker and King. 
Perhaps you may ask “Is He Worthy?” The answer lies within and without. 
Gather warmth from the coldness of others.
Embrace life’s unexpected turns with compassion and grace…
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. 

Your friend from a distance & for always
Hadassah

2 Comments

  1. Hadassah 1 month ago

    To the closure we never had…

    May The Road Rise To Meet You (Irish Blessing)
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tn9hLK2nmPM

  2. Moira 4 weeks ago

    “Karamihan sa atin kapag hindi nagkatuluyan ang dalawang tao that is a definition of a failed relationship… Just because two people didn’t end up together, doesn’t mean it was a failed relationship. We can also choose to see it in a way that ‘Wow, I got the privilege of knowing and loving and learning from this person even if it was just for a short time.’

    We can choose gratitude over bitterness. We can choose joy over pain. We can choose freedom over guilt, and we can choose love, and we can choose forgiveness. And just because you’re not going to continue that in the seasons to come doesn’t mean it was a failed one. From here on, I will choose to remember the good times because you are still worth that…”

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