It’s been almost year now, and I still can’t get you off my mind. I made a decision that I know I can’t undo but I just wish I could stop thinking about you. I know I am the one that walked away, the one that called the shots, but sometimes I wonder if it ever hurt you the way it hurt me. Sometimes I think about the choices we made and if you wanted it any differently…

I saw her profile picture the other night, you looking lovingly at her while she’s looking somewhere else, it hurt. I know you used to look at me like that, hold me like that. As much as it sucked seeing that, seeing you happy made me smile just for a second. I meant when I said that I wish you nothing but the best and hoped that you would be happy in the future with whatever you do.

I kind of hoped that one day we would find our back to each other again, I hoped that maybe I mattered more than I did. I am sorry if I hurt you when I left, but you have to understand that staying was hurting me more than I could ever imagine.

If I am being completely honest, even though I know that it hurts like hell, it really makes me happy to know that you’re happy. I wish nothing more that for her to be everything that I couldn’t be for you. I hope that she knows that you have a lot of fears, a lot of pain and she knows how to give you comfort when I don’t get to anymore. I hope she’s good to you because you deserve the world, I just wish I had known how to tell you that, how to not fall apart at the drop of a hat and say what needed to be said.

Everything with you came so easy and it scared me, I am still scared. I wanna let you go but I don’t know why I can’t and I just want it to make sense but I know it was all part of a bigger plan. If somehow you’re reading this please know I wish you nothing but the best, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you. i thought we had it bad until I left.

To the girl he’s with now, don’t lose him because he’s one of the best. R I am sorry for any pain I caused, but you made it through and I am proud of you for that. I mean it you deserve the world and everything so much more than I could ever imagine. I wish you nothing but the best <3