For Peter

Dear Pete, 

It’s been about a month since I last saw you. I have had plenty of time to think about the 1000 reasons why I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to stick around for. I feel so stupid that I fell for it all. But you knew all along what your intentions were and how to get what you want. The only comfort I have is that my intentions weren’t lies. That I opened up and let someone into my heart, my home and my children’s lives. The one thing I realise is that you aren’t obligated to give a shit. At any time and for any reason you are allowed to lose interest or break off what ever relationship you want for any reason. I have to respect that. Because that’s everyones right… right?

But I can’t change the hate for myself I have for allowing you to make me feel the way I did. As though I have no value. The feeling of not being enough. Having someone tell me they love me and be lying. More then happy to walk away like I am nothing. But that is my problem. That is my lesson for life. Just because someone appears to care, it necessarily doesn’t mean that they do. All I can ask for future me is when you meet someone and you see they have been broken don’t break them again. Just walk away at the beginning and let them be. They say closure is forgiving someone. I think in this instance though the person I need to forgive is myself. I forgive myself for easily trusting someone and letting myself have feelings for them before they proved they were a good person. I forgive myself for introducing someone to my children before I knew them and who they really were. I forgive myself for caring too much when I really shouldn’t have. 

I don’t want a reply to this message. I genuinely hope that you are really happy. That what you did to me has resulted in your happiness. That you have a wonderful future filled with love. Because then that will mean what you did to me wasn’t in vain and for nothing. That it needed to happen to lead you to what you really wanted and everyone who comes into your life will be happy and loved, no longer broken from your actions and wrong intentions.


Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.