Dear Chris,

We met when I was 18… And you were 21… I was truly scared of long distance and the ideas of everything that’d come up but when you accepted to be mine. My heart was jumping for joy. I remember every night before we met, I was so anxious and scared how’d you see me. I was in my bedroom at night wishing I got to hold your face and kiss you. But when I facetime’d you for the first time, my stomach was catching butterflies and my lips smiled in ever inch or form. The first time we met.. I was truly happy to be with you. I wasn’t as nervous but It was the best 9 days I could ever have in my life..

I remember all the times of everything we did. Me cuddling next to you and holding your hands at the movies. How scared I was at certain ones. When we watched Shang-Chi and I was just holding you and your hands..

I remember holding your face and kissing it all over when I first saw you. I was truly entranced and in love with you. I got on my tippy toes to kiss you before I had to shower. I remember telling you to close your eyes so I could give you your squishy octopus. You named it, Squish. I thought you were super cute.. When we entangled our legs under the blanket and held onto each other. I kissed every part of your face. It all went by so fast.. When you went upstairs to grab my shoes because I was in pain.. Us making out on the couch and scared of the other people staying with us walking in. Laying down and watching Naruto.. Tatbilb… Jojo… And more. I remember being so happy watching Darling in the Franxx with you. I started saying darling more often. I called you honey.. my dear.. my bunbun.. my love.. all the times I was so happy to say to only you. I miss that. I misd you.

I remember you taking me to your high school and we danced in the blazing hot sun of Texas but I was happy you showed me apart of your childhood. You took me to meet your family where I was so nervous.. I kept asking you what to wear so I kept it casual.. I was just full of butterflies because you were the person I was gonna marry some day…?

But.. Not anymore.. After 5 months, you broke up with with me due to lost feelings. I was so happy walking the grocery stores with you, holding your hands, cooking with you and just.. the kisses we shared. I miss your voice entirely…

It’s been 2 weeks.. How is your mom and dad? Have you been eating properly? Is your wrist okay from the carpal tunnel? Have you went to the gym again? I’m so excited for you to meet your goals. How is your dad holding up from the funeral? 

How.. are you..

Do you… miss me? I… miss you. so so so so so so so so so so so so much. I love you so so so so much. I remember you came up with the name, Aimèe. It means my beloved. I was your beloved. And I cried because I had you in my life. I was so happy to have you. Just for it all t fade away.. 5 months later… To our futures..

I wish nothing but good health and fortune. Make the gym gains. Make good choices. Be more self resilient. Don’t listen to other’s opinions. And… Treat the next girl with as a priority or you’ll lose another one again..

Amanda.. <3

You’re my first love. Chris.