Hey, there. I hope you’re doing well. Actually, scratch that. I hope you’re miserable right now.

I think that’s just my petty side talking. But in a way, it’s true. I stalked your Facebook page earlier (I know, it’s a stupid decision, but I’m a very stupid person) and I saw that you’re now on Bumble. Wow. Groundbreaking, after you said to me during our breakup that you don’t want to find a new partner anytime soon. It hurts, of course. But then I read your comment on it about how you always swipe left for Virgos because you can’t fall that hard again for a Virgo anymore.

I’m a Virgo.

You also suddenly DMed me on Christmas Day, wishing me a merry Christmas. It caught me off guard, because I thought we weren’t on speaking terms anymore. You uninstalled the app where we would normally talk on, and I did say to you that I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I just liked that DM you sent, because I don’t know what I should say (which is a first, because I’m always big on conversations). Should I have said thank you? Should I have wished you a merry Christmas as well? Should I have said that I still think about you?

It won’t change anything, though.

And I don’t regret not replying to you. I don’t want to dig up old scars. I want to leave us as is. But why can’t you leave my mind now?

It’s hard to get over you, because I thought we would last for so much longer. I thought we wouldn’t end like this. I spent so much time with you that I always catch myself whenever I think of all the things that I want to tell you during my day. I have to force myself to remember that right, you aren’t with me anymore. I can’t tell you about what I had for breakfast, or what kind of YouTube video I watched that day, or what’s currently going on in my life. Who should I tell all these things to if not you?

With my previous exes, it was fairly easy to get over them. But it’s been weeks now and I am still thinking about you every now and then. There are so many details about your life that are still on my mind. I wonder how your grandma is doing. I wonder how your training program is going. I wonder how are the many pigs that you are keeping. I wonder so many things about you.

It’s unfair, all this knowledge that I have on you, all the details that I’ve learned about your life for the past almost-year, and now it’s all useless. I won’t ever need this information again.

I just want to forget you. I may wish for a different thing on another day, but for now, I just want to forget you.

That is how I usually cope with breakups. I forget, or try to forget, everything. I just phase it out of my mind. But you’re so goddamn memorable that I’m having a hard time forgetting you. It shouldn’t be like this, should it? Are you having a hard time forgetting me as well?

A part of me wants to run back to you. Go back to you, beg for another chance, anything. But I’ve begged for you once, we broke up for a bit, got together again, and now you dumped me. So, I don’t see how begging for you will do anything worthwhile.

I just want to punch you in the face. But also kiss you again. But also break your leg or something.

A part of me wants things to go back to the way they were, even though they weren’t good. When we were together, it was easy for me to forget you, ironically. I honestly didn’t think you were that important to me, and I texted you inconsistently. But now, I keep remembering you whenever I get the smallest trigger of you. You are insane.

Well, for the new year, I won’t have you. Maybe it’s for the best. Thank you for accompanying me in 2021. I just… I just thought you were the one, that’s all. But turns out people change. You changed. Maybe, in our last months, you weren’t the person I fell in love with. Maybe I’m just living in denial.

Whatever it is, I hope to forget you. I hope to make peace with all this and properly move on.

Thanks to you, I knew how toxic I was. But when I tried my best for you and changed my ways, you just left me.

It’s so unfair.

You’re unfair.

I hope I will be okay after all this. I hope I can find someone better than you.