Hi Alaa,

I’m writing to tell you a truth I omitted when our relationship was breaking down. I kissed my colleague Luke on approximately 3 different occasions on nights out.

I am sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I think I felt that if I told you, then the break down of our relationship would have been solely blamed on that – on me – which wouldn’t have been entirely true. I cheated on you because our relationship was breaking down, and I didn’t know how I could have simply said ‘i can’t do this anymore’. I honestly didn’t know I could break up with someone because it just wasn’t working, and I was within my full rights to choose that path, rather than soldier on in a relationship that wasn’t right. I was also ashamed and tired of my behaviour. You were not the first boyfriend I cheated on during difficult times or near the point of breaking up.

I am very sorry I knowingly dispelled the jealousy and anxiety you felt about me going out with my colleagues. You were right to feel anxious in the end. This is called gaslighting now.

I am asking your forgiveness for making you doubt yourself and for lying to you. This is actually causing me more shame and guilt than the fact I cheated.

Thank you and take care,
Natasha