Hun, 
It’s been a good 3 years since we have “broken up”. I use quotation marks because I don’t know if we were really ever together. You now have a new baby, and from what our mutual friends are saying, perhaps you are falling more and more in love with this girl. As selfish as it may seem, my personal heartaches makes me wish that she’s just like all the girls you always had… That she isn’t more than me because somehow she was able to make you truly fall in love again when I thought I had stood out so much, when there were so many signs along the way that I was different from everyone else…. I don’t want to be just one of those girls out of the million that you’d text while with me. Mainly, because I love you. Yes, love. Even after our breakup and me falling deeply in love with somebody good for me, somebody who changed my life forever for the better… I still have many moments of struggling when it comes to you and I hate it. I don’t know you anymore, maybe I never did. But somehow it still hurts me to hear that she seems to have a good grip on you, and that the way you speak to her is so sweet. 

You’re an asshole. You have always been with multiple women. Even when you were the most deeply in love. As somebody who is no longer with you and someone who always wonders if you ever loved me like you made me feel in those moments, I hope that you haven’t changed. Because if you have changed, it makes me think that something is wrong with me. That I wasn’t good enough or that I’m not as great as I tend to think I am; that I’m not all that special after-all. Time will tell, but I am scared. I am scared that time will tell me and the world that you have changed into the man that I have always wanted you to be for me, only you have become that man because of, and for, someone else. You did me wrong, like you have done many wrong. I wonder what she looks like, how she is, what she did… Are you really truly in love? Are you really a changed man? I don’t want you to be. I don’t want to be meaningless and less than her. I don’t want to care or be bothered by these things. I know I deserve way better than you, but sometimes I question it. No… No I don’t. I think you are just my weak-point. You are so evil for not giving me any closure, ever. For not ever letting me know if you truly loved me, and/or how much. Are you truly going to commit to her? Why? I hate you… or do I? But for sure, I hate that I love you. I hate that I care about these things and am bothered by it. I hate it. Time shall tell…..