Hey J-

Two weeks ago, you emailed me and said that we weren’t compatible in some of the most important ways, and that it was probably for the best that we leave each other’s lives permanently. You told me that you cared about me and hoped I had a happy life, and that the problems I am currently experiencing work themselves out; you just couldn’t see them through without hurting yourself. I just want you to know that I understand. 

I wish I could tell you my life was getting better, but I don’t think it is. I rushed the sororities to try to fit in somewhere and got eliminated before the end of rush in front of everyone. It was humiliating. My parents are as overprotective as always, maybe even more so. If my life isn’t 100% perfect, they try to swoop in and fix things. I love them a lot, but it’s choking me. I don’t think there’s anything I have the energy to do though, so I think it just needs to stay this way. I have my classes and jobs, and they’re alright, but I’m struggling to stay focused on my work. I don’t have the energy to eat sometimes, and part of me is concerned I’ll lose all the weight again. Most of all: I have this feeling that there’s no one I’ll ever be able to truly connect with, and that it’s probably best if I’m on my own. I feel lonely around the friends I do have, and long for someone who thinks I’m really special and that I think is really special. For so long, that was you- we never connected the way I think we both hoped we would, but the love was there, and to some degree I think the connection was too. 

I never wanted you to get hurt. I wanted you to be happy, and I realize now you would never be truly happy with me. Maybe it is for the best that I’m not in your life anymore. But don’t doubt for a second that I loved you, or that I still love you. Nearly every day I see, hear, or read something I want to send to you. I still dream about you in the darkest hours of the night. But I know that what you want, what’s best for you, is for us to become strangers, so that’s how it has to be. I just wish I could have been who you needed. 

-S