I don’t really know what happened, I was too pushy I guess. When you said you were done seeing me on my bday dinner, it killed me inside. I became a bigger drunk, I didn’t care about myself at all, got thrown in jail. It really wasn’t something i was prepared for.
I always wanted just you, yea you since ’98 but you got married, so I got engaged but you never left my mind. When I bumped into you at the bank with your now ex wife, my heart skipped a beat. Years later, I find you again, and we started dating but my big Freudian slip f’ed it all up. As you said you didn’t love me, I moved on but yet I never forgot about you. I never forgot that I could feel safe and not threatened, that I could be my true self around you, that I could feel love in your arms, cuddling on the couch watching Family Guy….and don’t get me started on the sex, whooo boy! I never knew how much I truly loved you until you wouldn’t say it back. Still hurts to this very moment as I think of you frequently. Too much actually.
Now, I know doing it online isn’t the best way to conduct myself at this age. Trying to rekindle a friendship by anonymously writing to you but I tried irl. Don’t know if you ever received it, or won’t answer, so here it goes…you will always be in my heart and mind…I just wish you were in my life. I love you, I always have, probably always will….unless you become a baby seal hunter or something to that effect, lol. But in all reality Vlad, I needed to work on myself too. Now, having been married myself (loveless), i never would have pushed so hard for it. What a bs institution?! I always had my heart set on you, I just couldn’t get you to want mine back. I sincerely miss you and want you to know I’m proud of your accomplishments, and how you have progressed as an artist and human being over the years. I hope you find whatever happiness you seek in life; I know I was genuinely happy with you. I’d love to hear from you but I get it….old wounds. But I would also love to dress those old wounds with something new. If ya catch my drift…okay okay seriousness….
I love you, take care of yourself old pal.