Luke

I know you were hoping to never hear from me again, so I’m sorry about this. I’m not looking for a response or even for you to read this. As someone who was in your life and negatively impacted it, I owe you at least something. 

You once mentioned, “you don’t realize what you have till it’s gone.” I never really thought about that until I lost someone I deeply cared for. I spent a good amount of time blaming that person for hurting me, leaving me, and moving on. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was responsible for destroying what was supposed to be an adult relationship. I faced everything. Everything I had said; unfiltered with nothing but jealousy and bitterness in my heart. Every little lie that piled up. Everything I had done to ruin something I thought I wanted for a very long time. I made myself look like a crazy fool, successfully. 

I’m not the type of person to get heart broken, but each day proves that theory wrong. I miss you making me laugh the moment I wake up. I miss you making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I miss how safe you made me feel. I miss making you smile. I miss our deep conversations every night. I miss being happy and in love. I would give anything to look into your eyes, see the pain you have experienced, and promise to give you nothing but love and respect. Something I failed to do once before. 

I also wanted to say thank you. Thank you for showing me that even on my worst days, I can still be loved. Thank you for staying by my side for as long as you could. Thank you for putting me first even though you were going through worse. Thank you for seeing me at my lowest and holding me until I felt okay. Finally, thank you for leaving. I learned how to be alone. I learned to love myself again. I learned to forgive and heal. I learned..not everyone is out to get me. 

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I am deeply sorry for acting like someone I never thought I would become. Although we both had areas of improvement, I owe you the biggest expression of regret. I hope one day you can find any room for forgiveness. I know you, and I know that you are never coming back to me, and that is ok. You deserve everything good in life. Remember you are a good son, you work harder than anyone else, and you are enough…and the best dog dad. Luke. I don’t think ill ever get over you. A piece of my heart feels like its missing. Even with an unpleasant ending, i’m still glad i met you. I hope you find happiness and live a good life. till we meet again