Reflection and Closure

Reflection and Closure

Reflection and Closure

My Dear Megan,

I Never thought I’d find myself sitting here writing a letter to you on a website, part of me wishes you never see this so we truly heal, part of me does so I can convey what I truly feel about everything.

What a beautiful 10 years we had together.

We grew up together, we watched each other grow. 
Through our pains, wins, unknowns, and certainties.
We were unbreakable.

I know when we separated, you were doing what you felt was right. I’m so proud of you for backing yourself and standing tall throughout everything. I’m sorry I let myself fall, that I gave up on backing myself and thought I only had one direction left to go. You were my biggest supporter, my team mate through Hell, only I thought I had to go through Hell alone. 

I think, about a lot of things.

I think about when you said that I would make an amazing father. 
I think about the amazing mother you would have been to my kids.
I think about when you said that you wanted to grow old together.
I think about how I can ever forget wanting to grow old together.
I think about when you said forever and always.
I think about how it’s been months since we’ve spoken.

I listen to your voicemails of you being a clown, I look at photos of us when we had it together.

You were my first true love. I will never, ever forget you.

You are engraved in my heart and mind, this truly is one of my toughest hurdles to overcome.

My love, as futile the thought is, If I could go back to when we both said we didn’t want this at all. I would give everything. I want to come home. I’m so proud of you for conquering this year alone. 

I have spent so much time and work on myself. I am doing so much better, I see light in my days. I have goals and aspirations, a career I’m working towards. I am trying to make new friends who don’t pull me down, I am cutting off the thorns in my life that interfered with my growth, and interfered with us. I guess I needed all of it, the sharp cut of reality to flourish or perish.

I chose to flourish my dear Megan.

I hope one day I can see your face and your smile. That electric contagious smile, the way you smile with your eyes. 

I would do everything so different, damn hindsight.

I know we are amicable. You still have my heart, nothing really feels the same without you. But I have to find the strength and courage to carve a path forward on my own now, although I always think, I hope this makes you proud.

I moved to the city like I said I would, trying to move forward through the unknown without you sometimes seems so pointless. But I know this is for the best.

I hope the baby birds are happy and well, I miss them dearly.

My sweet Megan, I hope you find your happiness, your home, your love.

When my life is through, the most precious thing I ever did, was love you.



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