I really love(d) you and I just don’t understand how you can say I’m your world then tear me down. I fell too hard and fast for you and you shredded me… I fucking died for you every time you were hurting from your trauma, pain, and confusion.. I’m fucking dying now and just want to be comforted but you couldn’t even give me that when I needed you. You accused me of being a worse being and you revealed yourself, without even realizing. I know you’re in pain and confused, baby. I wish I could spare you from everything but I can’t help someone who cuts me up and tells me it’s my fault for being upset… I would die again for you even still..

You never could hold me when I needed you… and my heart is ruptured and … I was overflowing for you in love then drained, and crushed… I can’t even breathe… I’m dying again every time I think of our last conversation and the way you were screaming at me. I collapsed and lost it… then lost you… You couldn’t even imagine what I felt. You couldn’t even show you cared about me and wanted me… I thought you may have loved me but maybe I’m wrong.. I’m just lost now… fading in the mist and heart-wrenched… I just wanted you. I just wanted us… I need to shed you from my existence so I can be myself in love, courage, acceptance, and in my new found strength. 

Now, I’ve realized the partner of my dreams would never ask me to “ride and die” for them but instead to “ride, love, and live” for them. I won’t ride and die for anyone and you had me convinced I had to die for you in so many ways to be with you. Never again. You only see and know your fearful and avoidant attachment, your unresolved trauma, and your pain… You are not capable of loving me fully and it’s not my fault that you associate hurting with loving someone. I only want to ride, love, and live for someone who would do the same for me. You weren’t strong and healed enough for me and I have to accept that.

I am a woman who will find her true love in time and I wish it would’ve been you. I hope you heal and find me, but I know I cut ties to save myself from your rage, hurt, and fear. I am deserving of a heart who sees me through for mine and I won’t ever let that go. I won’t let myself fall into someone else’s trenches and into their war, not again. I loved you and you lost me… You don’t get to have me in your life now and you have to learn. I will love and be loved, with or without you. I will smile, rise, and face the world in joy and creativity. I will make a difference and share my colors with every life I touch. I am irrevocably the queen of my heart and I sit on the throne alone until my future partner king/queen rightfully earns it with love and patience. I am worthy and deserving of so much. The world and its adventures are waiting for me and I will take them in stride and courage.