To Calabaza

To Calabaza

To Calabaza

It’s been almost two years… but I still think about you.

It’s not that I want you back or would like to be friends… I just… wish things had been different.

I think we met at the wrong time, we weren’t ready for each other. We were just two young fools playing this game we call love.

I miss when we’d have video calls when you were left alone at your office and felt lonely.

I miss singing songs to you.

I miss watching your face blush as I sang to you.

I miss so many things about you.

But it is what is… we simply aren’t made for each other.

Our relationship… it’ll just be a big “what if” in my life.

And it sucks.

But such is life.

I don’t know what to think… I have mixed feelings.

I know you’re not good for me… and even if we tried again? I know it wouldn’t work, I just couldn’t get myself to trust you.

You did me wrong… I shouldn’t be typing this.

But I loved you.

And I loved you more than anyone else I’ve ever loved.

You know? I’d like to let myself go… but I can’t.

You killed me inside, I’m not sure I want to love so deeply ever again.

I’d rather not.

Yet here I am writing this letter… I hate being this vulnerable.

But who cares? Nobody’s gonna know who I am.

You know… sometimes I wish I could turn back time.

I miss your kisses, your hair, your smile… but you also hurt me.

It’s complicated..

Everything was. 

Remember you told me you loved me for the first time the day we broke up?

You know how much that sucks?

To tell me you loved me after you broke up with me?


I’ll just leave it here.

I hope you’re happy and get to live a long and healthy life


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