You were a very very horrible cruel, chillingly callous, vindictive, unkind, game playing, demeaning, bullying, deflecting, unreliable, inconsistent, inhuman, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, foul, incredibly sadistic, self centered, unbelievably selfish, gaslighting, reverse blaming, evil man to me. 

I just kept falling deeper into the cold numbness against what was happening to me. Never were you ever a friend to me. Never did you care. You see women like me and mock them for actually trying to find the human in a lost, empty, woman hating shell. 

Right now at THIS moment, you’re thinking about how YOU’RE the victim and that you’re only “defending” yourself.” You’re a good person? Yeah you are. To bums in the gutter you pride yourself on showing them “kindness.” To angry women who harass you at 4am for being a piece of shit almost two decades ago, that you haven’t spoken to in years. Yeah you care about how they feel. 

All you ever wanted to do was show me how little you thought of me. Never any kind words that could be counted on more than one hand. The next time someone stupid comes around again trying to see the best in you over so much bad, sticks by you like a beat down dog who always forgives like a mother fucking Giving Tree, who TRIED to reach the human in you, DON’T mistake their kindness for weakness and don’t underestimate them. 

I prayed that you would “fall flat on your face.” You did, literally. You nearly died and not even that worked. I hope you NEVER realize how bad you are or how to change. Stay exactly the way you are. THIS is what you do to good people. THIS is what YOU ARE. You sucked up all the ego boosting, flattery and everything that you didn’t deserve and spat it back in my face. Worst of all, is that you can’t or wont admit it. Can’t see it. Wont see it, or even say you’re sorry.

I AM another notch on your sad little “Why does everyone always want to get away from me? Why does everyone leave?” legacy. You thought I was the weak one, but one day I woke up and finally realized who was. 
But hey, I’m just defending myself.