Hey M, I want you to read this when you have nothing else on your head and you can sit down, relax and read it without distractions. It’s been almost four months since I’ve lost you and our relationship. It’s arguably been the hardest four months of my life, going from being absolutely broken to slowly rebuilding myself and find the happiness that I had. My heart was so broken, a part of me was gone, a big part; The most beautiful brown eyes to look at and say “I love you”, the softest hands to touch and feel the love, the most dazzling soul to be connected to and feel the calm energy from, the perfection that was there during our sexual moments, all of it, it was just gone.
Throughout these three and a bit months, I have been looking back at myself, what I needed for myself the most, what was most important to me and what I wanted out of life. To be honest with myself, you changed me, and my moral and values for the better. Health has become my number one priority in life, I’ve been going to the gym everyday, I’ve been watching my diet, taking precautions before I eat anything and checking myself in with the doctors every month or two to see how my health is going, and to be frank, I think I’ve been healthier than I have ever been in my life and fuck I’m proud of myself for it, I have gained some muscle ;), feel overall better and choosing healthy food over shitty food without any hesitation.
My other value has been looking out for my future, what I want out of life and what my path would look like, of-course I don’t have the full vision yet and it’s hard to say when I will, whether that’ll be in a month, in a year or 5 years. As you know, I have put a pause on my studies for the last semester of 2023 and will start again for the start of this semester, mainly because I wasn’t in the right headspace to get any Uni work done, and just wanted to focus on work and keeping busy.
I have realised how important travelling is in life. I listened to your advice, I took a trip by myself to Papa New Guinea. It wasn’t long but god it was good. The best way to describe it would be a “whole new life”, looking at the different lifestyle behaviours, trying to learn as many life lessons as possible and taking in the good energy from everyone around me. Finally the food, I don’t even know where to start, they make the craziest food from banana leaves over there, it’s SO GOODD. From Saksak and Mumu to their desserts such as Talautu, the yummiest dessert I’ve had in my life, oh and it had coconuts in it and I still loved it hehe.
The trip made me realise how much you’ve made me realise I love travelling, I’ve gone to one country and I’ve loved it. Now the lifestyle aspect; I want to be the guy in the neighbourhood who all the karens look at while I’m wearing the most expensive suit and say “it’s the guy with the loud cars who makes bank”. I think that sums it up to you ahah. I’m gonna be rich, I’m going to own houses in every state, have millions and enjoy my life while retiring early and I can proudly say that I’ve started taking my steps towards it which feels better than anything. Last but not least, you. I want you in my life, I want every bit of you, I want your energy (the good one) which I know only gets out when you receive good, I’ve learnt that, I want your bad bitch vibes, your happy vibes, your bubbly vibes, your passion vibes, your rambling on about something for an hour vibes, talking about what you find passion in, you crying, your sadness, your love, your body, from your gorgeous little toes to your beautiful face.
I want to start fresh with you. I loved you the most but you taught me to love myself the most so now you’re second. There’s no proving to do so I want to show you the beauties that our relationship has. I want my girl back. I want my goose back. I want xxxxxx xxxxx back. I hope that your yellow heart is still with me. I love you goose.