Letter for if we ever reconnect (we won’t)

Letter for if we ever reconnect (we won’t)

Letter for if we ever reconnect (we won’t)

To C, 
It’s been long enough I’ve realized there’ll never be an us again. At first I thought I was at fault but then I saw the mistakes you made. It’s too late to apologize so it’s whatever now. However, with each day that passes by, the more I realize that you were just wasting my time. You knew you could play me, and you did. For a while I blamed myself over everything that went wrong. Today I give up because, whether you choose to come back or not, the feelings I had are gone.

I’m letting go because the best chapter of my life is about to begin. I see you and H and I wonder why you weren’t like that with me but I also feel bad for her, because I can see the end of your relationship before it even happens. You two are both equally horrible, toxic people, which puts you in this weird position where, because you’re equally bad, neither of you can say anything about the other because you’re also like that. You two have something that you didn’t have with me/E/A- a relationship devoid of hatred because you are the same. Yes, you and E were similar, but you were way worse than her when it comes to personality and mindset.

I think you have a good heart and, deep down, just want to be loved, but the C I fought so hard for didn’t show up enough. Once in a blue moon were you the kind, charming, funny teenage boy I fell for. The rest of the time you were a bully, inhumane to those around you to the point where my friends were scared to be around you. Or “hated” you. Quoting H there, if you couldn’t tell. It’s not that I hate her, but that dating you made her hate me. When you inevitably break up, I’ll be there for you. Not her. From the beginning, she snaked her way into our relationship, poisoning it and making it wilt, like a dying flower. I truly think that if she hadn’t been around us during our relationship, we’d still be together. Or at least you two wouldn’t be together. Idk.

At this point I’m just rambling, but this is stuff I’ve been meaning to say for god knows how long. Three weeks, maybe? Here are some things I never told you that happened after we broke up:
I got an ed, idk if I’m better or worse bc I keep relapsing
I got depression
I did your favorite things for the first time- being high isn’t as fun as it looks.
I haven’t listened to fast car even though it’s my favorite song, bc it was our fav song
I cried
I hate seeing you and H and after I do my whole day is ruined
I got into a serious fight with my parents and am currently without any ability to see social media and can’t see how you’ve been; it really sucks
That’s all. There’s not much else I can say to you. I guess I don’t even miss you anymore, I just miss having a relationship.You may not have loved me but I did you and I think that’s enough. I’ve already told you goodbye, but I may text you again once you and H break up. Idk. See you then, CM.



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