Anh! 

You came back. For a moment there, everything was a blur. It was like a dream… In fact, it still kind of is. I still can’t believe it actually happened. You reached out to me again. But it wasn’t good enough. 
Oh, how I wish you would’ve said you were sorry… and that you want to pursue US once again, differently and seriously this time. I wish you were accountable and honest. Instead, I’m not sure what it was but… you weren’t. I don’t know if you were just finding a way back in or testing the waters, or maybe you’re still the same asshole you were… But either way, you were not any of the things I needed you to be (not then, and not recently) so that WE could revive. 

Anh… this was the first time in my life in which my heart felt one way and I acted another. Perhaps age does make you a tiny bit wiser. I want you anh, but I can’t like this. Those images of seeing you as a daddy to the beautiful kids we would have had a chance for a moment there when I received your messages. But… I couldn’t let myself with how you were presenting things. The dreams are beautiful and so real, but they are not worth the risks of you being the same person which seem to be quite likely. You left me in a time of need, with no hesitation – seemingly. I can’t welcome this… What would be next? Leaving me as I’m carrying our child? It’ll be hard enough to trust it with good signs, but with these bad signs, I can’t disrespect myself like that. I can’t bring that kind of risk and negativity into my life. 

Anh, what are your intentions? Why did you do what you did? If it’s because you are the same person, then so be it. But if you are not… if you truly have regrets and you truly want US… come back, and mean it. Commit to me, work for this. I want to give you this chance. It is here waiting for you, but I won’t bring it to you. I won’t beg you to ask for this chance. You have to work for it. That’s the only way it’ll have any chance of working. 

Please anh… I want to have kids with you. Share love and commitment with you. Experience with you, be intimate with you… Make love to you. It would be so sweet to have your arms around my belly, and to see you be a dad to a boy, or girl… hopefully both! I’m waiting for you, I want you. I want us. But I can’t want it alone.