Hey Muskan.

I don’t think you’ll ever see this letter but if for some unknown reason you do, this is for you.

I recently went to a foreign country; I thought that it’d help me forget about you but I was mistaken. In fact, it made me think of you more. I went to this coffee shop and they played one of the songs we used to listen to. Do you know that I still listen to that playlist you made for me? I always try to avoid it but for some reason, I just gravitate towards that playlist that has my name on it. Just the way I gravitate towards you. It’s been a month since we put an end to us but for the first few weeks, it didn’t feel real to me. Perhaps because I thought that you’d come back. I’m aware that I was the one who sabotaged the relationship we had, but deep inside I just wanted to hear that four-letter word: Stay. But I never heard it because you never said it. 

I’m slowly accepting the fact that maybe this is the end of us. And that maybe, just maybe, the reason why we met again is to finally close our chapter. For good. The truth is, I think that we met at the wrong time. If only you met me a little later, I would’ve been ready for you. I still have no idea why we met when all we did was cause each other pain. However, behind all the pain, the love and happiness you gave me will always outweigh the hurt. I’ll always be grateful to meet you. 

You taught me a lot of things. I know a lot of people who are closer to me in distance, but you are one of the very few people who made me feel genuinely loved. I think that a part of me will always regret letting you go but I think you’re happy now. I told myself that if I ever commit to you, making you happy would be my main goal. So right now, it does not matter whether you’re happy with or without me because, at the end of the day, I just want you happy. 

Thank you for everything. I mean it. I never told you this but I was falling in love with you. It’s a different kind of pain when you know you love someone but the best thing you can do for them is to let them go because you know that you’ll only hurt this person in the long run. Right now, I just want you to know that I’ll always cherish the memory of you. I’ll never forget you and everything about you. 

Take care always okay? I know that someday you’ll be able to go to many places, meet more people that will love you, and feel more in your life. I may no longer be present in your life at that time but I’ll be happy for you. I miss you every second of the day, and I think I’ll always miss you. I’m sorry for hurting you and I hope you know that I love you.

– Y