First off, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart, showing me what I don’t want in a relationship, showing me to never not pay attention to the signs that show this isn’t right, and lastly thank you for getting with your new girlfriend just months after we broke up. I loved you, everyone knew that, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. You taught me to live my life without any limits and to just be young and have fun. Sneaking out isn’t always bad (unless you get caught of course) and driving to San Francisco to look at the stars at 1AM isn’t so bad, its called living without regrets. Even though, I was really depressed after we ended things, I knew deep down it wasn’t gonna last. With your sneakiness and wanting to keep your “friend” close to you, I knew we would never have a forever. I went into a deep depression, stopped eating, and would only sleep in your clothes wishing you would text me asking to get back together. After a while, your scent left your clothes and my tears stopped rolling down my cheeks. I realized that this was a blessing and a lesson from God. He brought into my life not to make my life horrible without you but to show me that I don’t need anybody in order to be happy and that I should be the one to make me happy. I am my own happiness. So I thank you for the wonderful time we spent together and best friends and a couple and for being that wonderful lesson from God himself. Thank you, Jan. XOXO
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Update: I have a new boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year exactly (8/8/15). Thank you again for being my blessing and lesson. You taught me what I didn’t want and no longer needed in my life, and showed me what I really deserved. My new boyfriend is everything I could have possibly ever wanted. The family bonding I never got with you is what I have finally recieved, the love that made me feel safe and not disappointing to my parents is fulfilled, and the title (as his Girlfriend) I have longed to acquire is now mine to keep. And now you and your girlfriend and broken up. I feel bad for her. She is going through the same thing I went through but Karma is a bitch isn’t she?
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Update after the update: It’s been 8 years since you broke my heart and 1 year since I broke his. Our 8th year anniversary would’ve been two days ago. I spent it alone in bed crying over the mistakes I made – the same mistakes you made with me. Guess it was inevitable huh? I’m sitting here praying to the same God to take the pain away. Instead he makes it stronger. Maybe to show me what I put him through. Long nights with no answers, just silence that forces you to feel your emotions. I did that to him. I cheated on him. My lack of honesty and desire to explore lead me to fuck up the best thing I had. Instead of learning from you Jan, I became you. I got hit with a double whammy. Not only did I put someone through the same hurt and pain, I later realized I cheated with a man who resembled me. I believe it was God’s way of showing me flaws and what they will look like down the road if I continue on. God’s way of telling me you need to sit in your feelings and work on yourself Chas. God humbled me alright. He showed me that people don’t play games about their heart, they will really hurt you. He warned me about going down this road too many times. It took for me to almost have to lose my life on that same road to realize these things. Hard-headed huh? But I am listening now. My ears are open, along with my heart and my mind.
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(Update after update continued)
It took for me to lose everything to finally listen. Now look at me, broken trying to find the pieces and put them back together. I lost him, them, my path, and me. And now I am forced to watch someone else have the life I envisioned for myself – Alex and I. He was my best friend, just like you were. He was my confidant, just like you were. I wonder if he thinks of me still? or has he forgotten me already? They say it only takes 6 months to get over a relationship, and he gave me so many chances to get us back. He waited on me until he couldn’t wait no more. Life was moving entirely too fast. I was feeling myself. I was feeling the attention I was getting. All for those feelings to be short-lived. They left faster than they came. The fun was replaced with stress, sleepless nights, scars, and no plan. I can’t even be mad at her. I hope she’s treating him right. I hope she’s loving him better than I had. Is it bad that I think I can still love him better. I pray that if I work on me maybe he will want me again. I wonder if you had these prayers for you and I? I doubt it though cos you’re still chasing after her despite all these years. You left me for her and you still chose her after all these years. What is it about me that is not enough?
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