My Dearest ******,
My love for you was brighter than a thousand suns, expanded farther than a thousand Universes, would have filled a super-massive black hole, and was more abundant than the granules of sand on every beach. As the last year has passed I have grown so much and accomplished more than I had ever while I was with you. Im sorry I couldnt have shown you all the potential I was hiding within myself, for some reason I believe that if I had acted sooner on making myself more long term productive that you would not have been able to leave such a prize. I hate that I cant share the things im proud of with you, I hate that I cant be proud you. I hate that im so much healthier, stronger, and more productive now that youre gone. I think about you every day, I smile and sometimes cry knowing I had such a great time being yours. I miss our nicknames, I miss our traditions, I miss our singing in the car, I miss finding your hair on me, I miss kissing your big lips, I miss tucking you into a little ball and cradling you. I miss too much to describe. I dont know if you feel anything for me anymore, and I wonder if I even cross your mind, but I wish I could hold you, I wish you missed me, I wish you hated life without me, I wish you figured out that nothing will compare to what we had.. Every fight, every stress we ever felt is so benign in hindsight and sometimes I feel so stupid. You are completely missing out on such a better me that it breaks my heart. All I really want is for you to have this “better” me so I could make you the happiest person on earth. I just want you to be treated the best and loved the most by someone who appreciates you, and if you want something done right you do it yourself. I dont know how to talk to you and chances are we wont end up together again, but if any part of you misses me right now Id love to know. I have to stop feeling this way eventually; for my own sake, but these feelings are echoing through my heart as time goes on. I guess im saying that if you have something in your heart that misses me too, you have the opportunity for the time being, please dont wait until its too late. I pray that pride isnt holding you back. I miss you so much babe. xoxo – With love – M