Dear S,
I’ve known you for what seems like a while, but in reality, it’s only been a couple of months. Do you remember how you and I both promised each other that we wouldn’t leave each other? Well, now you’re gone and it’s all my fault. I will never remember the day you confronted me and said “You told me that you’d never leave me, but look at you. Well, instead of you leaving me, I’m leaving you– it’ll save me the heartbreak.” I had a crush on you since the minute I saw you, but now that you’re gone, I’m still heartbroken. I let my jealousy get to me, I walked by you everyday at school and gave you dirty looks, I talked shit about you, but now– I’m alone. You made all my fears go away, you were there to numb my loneliness and all the pain that consumed me. I want to move on and not dwell on what happened, but it’s impossible. You were one of my closest friends and now I need to move on. It’s so hard. All the tears I’ve shed from the memories that once were alive. All the nightmares I’ve had that follows with the screaming of your name…..I’m sorry, please come back. I’ve searched the ocean for you and found nothing but the remains of the photographs that we took, the rest is ashes of the pictures you burned. My heart has bullets from the words you’ve said and it wants to stop beating. Half of me wants to continue the search for you, but the other half wants to stop looking for you because if I haven’t found you yet, I’m not going to. I’ve begged and pleaded and fought with you to come back but each time, you refused. All that’s left of me is a heart that has stopped beating and a body that’s numb from the inside out. “I’m falling over and over again from all the words that you have said, it’s written on my heart for everyone to see.” (Lyric from With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear by Sleeping with Sirens). I hope you are happier without me. I know without me, I’m not weighing you down and I’m not a problem to you anymore. If you should ever read this, just know that I’m sorry and hopefully you’ll think again and come back.