Thank you for slaughtering my sanity

Thank you for slaughtering my sanity

Thank you for slaughtering my sanity

LTME-postThis is going to be my last letter, this is what our third time ending? I say this with a crunching heart and it’s not easy. There’s a part of me that’s desperate to know if you miss me like I miss you, if you hurt the way I do, if you hoover over the send button as often as I do. But you can’t answer those questions. The end of the day were two different people, compatible but not made for each other. It hurts like hell and damn it’s going to for a while. But I understand why we should walk away, I understand that we change every day unconsciously. You were the most important person in my life, and I like to think I was to you at one point or at least for one minute. It’s horrible when you’re head can’t let go of someone because you’re hearts still fighting. I mean you’re a little older, a little wiser, you’ve been there and done that more times than I can imagine. Which makes me more fragile more naive, I know you noticed this. That also means my love was purer than yours, I couldn’t imagine having my heart shattered the way you do. I couldn’t imagine someone else the way you can. I don’t know if this means anything that you taught me to understand these things. I can comprehend I may have been nothing but silly in you’re eyes, feeling emotions so intently but that’s part of growing up, controlling them. I believe if people aren’t in you’re life for a blessing there here for a lesson. You were a lesson. A blessing at the time don’t get me wrong. But a lesson over all. We can’t keep hurting one another by going back. I thought to myself, am I turning bitter? But I’ve got a pure heart, I have depth in my soul and I don’t care if I sound like Shakespeare. I’ve learned that I will always be more compassionate and emotional than other people and I thought at first, this may be a curse. But it’s a blessing. I can love harder than most. One day life will reward me for this. And you my dear, you are strong willed, powerful, my opposite, and life will reward you to. With someone that intertwines with you’re personality and you will understand my strong emotional feeling. And I will understand how to be powerful.
My mind will still wander to our late night conversations, and all our little memories, I’ll even appreciate our bad times. I’ll still remember how when you took my helmet off and kissed on the first date. Or how I stayed for several nights after. My heart skipped a beat with every kiss and pure love gave you a cuddle each day. I hope one day it doesn’t hurt so much to think of those things, one day I hope I’ll smile. I still love you and I’ll always care. I appreciate who you are and respect it. I respect you enough to let you go, I respect me enough to let this happen. I don’t want to you dip you’re head when you see me again, I wish that we could acknowledge each other with a smile that we were once the most important person in each other’s existence. You don’t get to know many people to the depth we knew each other, and it sucks that this is just life. You hurt me a lot. I know you’ve been hurt a lot. You can’t move onto the next chapter if you keep re-reading the last one. I’m letting you go, not because I don’t love you, because I care about you’re happiness. I’ve realised that we can’t be happy together. I wish you all the best in future, I hope you get the family you always desired. And you find you’re feet in life. Look after yourself. If it makes you happy never let it go. Life is too short and happiness is hard to find. I will regret this letter. The truth is we’re never ready for anything in life, if we don’t get up and do it we will miss our chances. I’m petrified that if I don’t let go now, I may never. Before this gets sinister I need to say this, before my heart takes control again. I’m eternally grateful for you’re presence in this world and that you’re path crossed mines. I believe one day it will all make perfect sense, and I need to have faith in that because letting you go has been the hardest challenge yet. Stephen, I love you, I miss you and I’ll never forget you.

0 Comments

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*