To everyone here, rather than him

To everyone here, rather than him

To everyone here, rather than him

LTME-postDear Letter To My Ex,

I miss him. We broke up a couple of months ago after 10 years together. He was my childhood sweetheart and we’ve known each other almost all our lives. I’m 24 now and I know I should feel hopeful but its difficult to. I thought he was the one but circumstances say otherwise. He started distancing himself for close to a year and our relationship was kept a secret because he couldn’t bring himself to tell his parents, and I knew I wanted more. I was ready for more. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. It hurts so much, its almost unbearable.

I don’t know what to do. Everyone says time heals all wounds but no one ever mentions the gut wrenching feeling the process would take. What hurts more is seeing how well he’s taking our break up, maybe he’s handling it in his own way but it hurts nevertheless. I’ve been keeping myself busy with school and work but I can’t keep him out of my mind. My friends say there are other fishes in the sea but what if you felt like you’ve met your soul(fish). That’s my lame attempt at cheering myself up and I’m realising that I’m writing this as if I’m talking to myself. Great, I’m going mad aren’t I?

Anyways, I know there are others out there like me. They/You could be reading this right now. You feel like you’ve found the greatest love, you give everything you had and it blows up in your face. You think of him everyday and then there are some days when a memory of them appears that does not sadden you. Days where you feel hopeful that you’re a step forward. When you don’t look at your phone, hoping he’d call or text. Times where your heart feels a little lighter. Sometimes your step forward becomes a step backwards; when you wait patiently for his texts or even kiss him on impulse when you see him.

Yes, I love him with all my heart but when I think about it, he didn’t love me enough to fight for me. I miss him everyday and I will for a long time but its time to focus on, selfishly, me. Moving on is going to have a lot of its ups and downs. I’m going to go through a roller coaster ride but writing this was a small step forward. A small step is what I needed right now.

Yours faithfully,
Rose

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