Need to get this off my chest before I’m crushed by it

Need to get this off my chest before I’m crushed by it

Need to get this off my chest before I’m crushed by it

You see I’m trapped in my mind

And I’m going trippy

Oh I don’t think I’ll ever go

You see the walls are so high

That I couldn’t climb them

So I don’t know which way to roll

But I’m stuck in rewind

Oh I’m looking forward

Damn I wish I new what went wrong

All those things you said to me so long ago really fucked me up. I can’t bring myself to trust anyone even my own family.. Let alone friends. I don’t know why it’s had such a hold on me but at times it’s like I can’t breathe yet what pisses me off the most is I still feel I need you. Why? I couldn’t tell you maybe it’s cause how everything happened. I started to get to know you before I really started to love you. I’ve had a few relationships here and there but never actual love. With you I managed to experience real love in short order maybe I wasn’t prepared for it.. I don’t understand the reasons behind your decision to belittle and degrade me to the point of depression, I never even insulted you back just nodded in agreement cause I couldn’t bring myself to do it back.

I said some things about you to others because I was being poked and prodded like you were some prized trophy won. I’m so socially inept I can’t even see my own future, I constantly dream of you and it feels like a disease. I’m holding on to some tiny sliver of nothingness it seems. It could be I haven’t had anyone to talk to in so long I’ve forgot how to communicate, I only have one real escape and it’s sad it lies within a substance.. but when I smoke my mind relaxes and I can finally breathe and not listen to my thoughts. This isn’t an everyday thing but the occasional reminder will pop up. God forbid I see you in public.. Everything I’ve ever felt gets so intensified I can’t think and lock myself away for a few days. The last time I saw you I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Whatever reminder decides to show itself lasts weeks and I honestly don’t know why.. I shouldn’t give two fucks about any of this but after all this fucking time I still care.

All those years ago it should’ve been me not my best friend and family with the brightest future anyone could see. I wish I was more like him.. I wish I had that opportunity to know how precious life really is. I still to this day do not know and understand why you let me back in just to destroy me. I will never forget that feeling of driving by that store.. How happy I was moments before. I had decided at that moment to never bother again and I don’t know why I am now. I don’t even know what I want to get out of this I just need to get this off my chest before I am crushed by it. I just want to move on I don’t know why I can’t. I feel so utterly hopeless and pathetic I just wait for time to pass me by. Truth be told I guess I wasn’t worthy.

7 Comments

  1. David 7 years ago

    My heart goes out to you he or she as I cazn not decipher which sex you are. Regardless I belittled a woman this past year & even though she was at fault as much as i to a degree, I feel so much compassion for a stranger who speaks as you do. I feel guilty now as i never realised how much words can hurt a person, don’t worry I assure you this man is more than heartbroken with his own tale yet to think how you feel I will say sorry to you for all it’s worth & please know men especially say things we never mean to hurt a woman so badly or vise verse. I send you what you may laugh at here is my soul for you as you need it more than I. I am at a loss with what to say or do except know you are loved by all just as you will find love once more. Please believe in yourself my sorrowful heartbroken stranger.

    Fom another broken hearted soul man.

  2. what a real mess

  3. Niece 7 years ago

    This sounds familiar but you held some things back what does her name start with can you at least tell me that?

  4. Nice 7 years ago

    What does his/her name start with.. Sounds familiar

  5. Shay 7 years ago

    How sad…

  6. Shareen 7 years ago

    You sound so much like my ex and what we went through. Freaky.

  7. Kage 7 years ago

    Deep…

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