First love yourself.

First love yourself.

First love yourself.

Physical attraction can lead to a thousand different stories. It can lead to a paper slip in your hand with a phone number on it. It can lead to a date with intentions of getting to know each other. It can be nothing more than a one-night stand. It can sometimes and in our hope become something truly magnificent; it’s up or down—point is that anything can happen when attraction is found and therefor its outcomes are limitless. The story could be short and shallow like a one night fuck or in depth as the eternity of marriage. It can find its boundaries at physical attraction or grow into a relationship with foundation of love, companionship, appreciation and respect for one another.

Regardless of how short or long the story, all attractions start out physical. I think she’s beautiful, she thinks I’m handsome—boom there’s a spark. Contact is initiated. A day to get together is organized. It can feel quite exciting.

The excitement you feel is really an excitement for something more. You feel a rush because this person could turn out to be someone you’ll really like; it becomes exciting to think this person may grow of importance in your life. Really what’s going on is an excitement for the possibility of love, which is something we all want.

People get together in hopes of a connection. We want something above our instinctual desires. We want to be able to relate on all levels of humanity. We want to feel others emotion, share intellect, and recognize mutual admiration for each other.

So you meet with that person for the first time. You don’t really know anything about them. What you do know, however, is that you’re into her—and she’s beautiful. So you want something more than what your instinct is asking for. My desires changed from lust to love.

When two individuals find connection is when the story becomes something human. This is when physical barriers are broken and I no longer want you in bed but in my life. When on that first date you have a craving to understand everything there is to know about that beautiful person in front of you. When on that first date you cant help but tell them everything you think and know. When on that first date you talk uncontrollably, laugh unconditionally, and smile perpetuity. When on that first date all anxieties, pains, and frustrations are forgotten. After I drop you off I sing in celebration on the drive home. A connection is shared and I feel what it’s like to be human. This is what makes finding attraction so unique. It’s all about the person you are diving into in chance of connection. The way they at first captivated your eyes. The way you were able to be around them. Their intriguing personality and the things you both found yourself doing together. These moments are just the beginning of what can be found in meeting someone. It’s a search for that human connection. Someone who can look with you out to the horizon and admire the fall leaves.  Someone who wants to know that you’re on your way home from work. That is what makes the best story from something that started so simple like a paper in your hand with a phone number on it.


Our story started simple. A paper in my hand with your phone number on it. It’s one of those things in life that came out of nowhere. Before I knew it I was taking this beautiful girl to a grassy orchard hill. It was without question exciting.

And then we connected. We had the most amazing time ever and my emotions felt something different.  This feeling carried on with the weeks and I was overzealous with happiness to have met you. I loved the substance of our actions. The places we ventured too, the six-hour phone conversations, the Starbucks surprises at the Hostess booth, the way we found ourselves quickly in love, the color of your eyes when we were sitting in the hammock, the extent of our journaling and the parts that cannot be described with words. We breathed life.

And then I suffocated. I lost touch of that connection you and I found. Really I lost touch with myself. Earlier I mentioned love, companionship, appreciation, and respect for one another as the foundation to a beautiful relationship.

Well I didn’t appreciate you Ash, in fact I took you for granted. I was so lucky to have you and with time I failed to show that.

I didn’t respect you. I was insensitive to your phobias and critical to your taste.  

Everything changed once I started working in New York City. I became such a different person. I wasn’t doing me. I wasn’t going back to school.  I was secretly at war with myself and a feeling of depression. I didn’t know how to tell you. Instead I suffered.

I wanted to thank you for ending our relationship. I took my life by the horns the day after you ended things. I quit Polo and am immersing myself towards a promising future. I feel myself again.

Always do you. The Ashley I met at the orchard was something indescribable. You have a beautiful energy to you.

I of course miss you time and again. I hope you’re doing well.



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